The missing Piece – Epilogue

 

     Somehow this time i knew that she was not threatening me into breaking it up, she was actually doing it. Sadness should have taken over my mind but somehow I found myself starting to breath heavily, I started getting a weird throbbing pain at the back of my head and my whole body was trembling… I was getting angry, and it was taking over me. I knew I had to control it and the best way out would be not to look at her. Only one word came out of my mouth, an answer to which would make or break me. “WHY”, I asked her. She was silent. I asked her again the same thing. Still she was unable to answer the question. Suddenly his friend was trying to pacify me with a typical hypocritical negotiation tone, something which i absolutely hate. How could someone who did not know anything about this till that very morning become a subject matter expert and proceed to talk as if its a god assigned job to him. I knew instantly that either he had brought him along as the talker or he was assuming that position himself, either way I knew i would literally murder him if he continued talking. I told him to shut up since I was interested in her answer and not his.

    Once this happened, i guess she realized that I was in a rage. She has this attitude when she uses extreme sarcasm to counter against someone if she wants to fight. She told me “I used to tell you that you can leave me right”. I retorted back “but then you were the one who told you would marry me and then I am supposed to look after the relation no matter what you say.”. Her instant reaction to this was something which her reflex propelled her to do, as she started regretting it the very moment it left her mouth. “I wanted to marry you only for two days…”. That was the time when I too lost it all. The experience of billion times of protecting my words from my rage was not enough… “So what were you for the remaining ten months, my bitch??”. The moment i said this, i knew that I had been officially promoted to her long list of “People I HATE with all my heart” . But to this day that question still remains valid though he stepped in between to ‘correct’ her answer. “Don’t insult yourself, please”, I told her. The further discussion was kind of irrelevant as it only involved him trying to say he is sorry to me and of course with side dishes sponsored by his friend. Finally I told them a thanks for the trouble they had taken. She left, the same day, with him to his hometown and I returned to my house.

    On the way I called up my closest friends and told them what happened, and ALL of them told me that they were expecting this. That they could see it coming, that I was the only one who missed it. All my life I could predict people since I had this keen skill of reading people through their actions, mannerisms and facial expression but somehow I totally missed out on reading her. I told god how much I hated him coz all that i had asked him over the last years were her… The amount of tears which welled out of my eyes was not enough to contain the heartache I was going through. That evening, as if the gods too were crying for me, the skies broke open. Rain and thunderstorms took place as if there was nothing going to remain. The city was flooded, trees came down, buildings got damaged and the city was plunged into darkness. The maximum extend of the damage happened in the city where I was and where she was that night. The gods only could see what I was going through. The very next day, friends from far and wide came to see me… I realized how many good people I had sacrificed from my life for her but they had never left, all the while they were waiting behind me, patiently, understanding that I would be falling soon. They had all been waiting to support me when that happens. Somehow god seemed to have prepared everything around me to ensure that I do not fall badly.

    I asked my close friend to call her that day and ask how she was. Though she did not pick up at first, she took the call the second time. Listening to the conversation they were having, for he had put the call on speakerphone, I noticed how happy she sounded and how casually she told him “I had told him earlier also but he just would not listen. What can i do about that???”. IT WAS BACK.. I could feel the rage in me at its best yet again. That evening after he left, I wanted to call her up but decided that its not her but him who needs to hear it from me. So I called him up and just let my mind take me over. I told him everything and made it clear to him that I would not let them survive. That I would ensure that not him, not anyone would live happily with her ever again even if it means my life drains off. I actually wished I knew some form of black magic so that I could curse them. I was even more enraged by the fact that the previous day he as well as his friend had come and told a sorry to me but she just did not care for that. She just did not want to. I was boiling inside and I wanted her to boil, I wanted her to feel my pain.

    That evening she called me, but I didn’t want to pick up. When she tried repeatedly I could not stand any longer and picked up the call. I told her that I just wanted one answer from her. An answer to the question of why she left me… I just wanted one good reason which I believed is my right. I told her that i wanted to see her the next day. She kind of like agreed. The night passed on with me staring up at the ceiling fan. Sleep… That would be a blessing. The next day she could not come to meet me. I called her friend to ask her how she was as she was staying with her. Her friend told me that I should let go and that I should forgive her if i truly loved her. That day while driving back from a function, I knew what her friend had told me was true and that I would only destroy everything with this. So I decided to let go. My hands shivered the whole time i was driving. I was about to say something which was going rip my heart apart.

    I went directly to my office and told the security to go and take a break. Once alone and locked inside the office, I called both of them and put them in a conference. I asked her if I had ever not done anything she had asked me. “never” came the answer. I then asked if she truly wanted to be with him… she said yes… With choking voice and a severe pain in the chest I said what i had been practicing for the last few hours, “I am letting you go. This would be the final wish i can grant to you as the person whom you know as me, would die today as its his heart that he is giving away… In my whole life with you I have never ever said no to anything you asked me. And today you asked for my heart and that too when its still beating… I love you too much to say no… so take it, I give it to you…” I hung up as I felt faint, weak and unable to breath. I told her that i would see her as my sister. Soon I hung up. Sad as it felt, i could feel a strange wave of relief within me.

It was then I realized how much I love her. Even at the point where she was stabbing me, I was wondering if the knife she is holding is safe for her or not.

I realized that the relief I got by knowing that she won’t be hurt was much more than the pain of knowing that she would never be mine. Once out of the office, i called up my friends once again and told them what happened, and though they refused to accept it on face value, they agreed to stand by me and support my decision. I met her the following day at her office and welcomed my ‘sister’ back. It was torture in plain sight. I had brought her a phone as the phone I brought her for her birthday was starting to look damaged. I gave it to her mentioning that its a gift from her brother. I resembled the earth, all cool calm and hospitable outside but boiling and ravaged from the inside. That day evening I came to know that he had put up tons of restriction for her towards me including not to get into my car, or should i be saying her car!!! I was devastated as the reality was sinking in fast and I was losing control over it. By the next day i knew that i would not be able to take it any longer, so I told her to forgive me if there was anything which i had done due to which she left me and begged her to take me back into her life. I told her that she had lived over ten months as my wife and she leaving now is similar to me going through a divorce. There was no other logical comparison. But she told me clearly that her decision is set now and she does not want me…

That day evening I knew I would go crazy over here, so I kind of forcefully told her to get in the car and locked it from the inside. I then asked her why she was doing it? I was delirious and totally dazed. Then she told me yet again the last thing I wanted to hear “I am not comfortable with you. I don’t have any feelings any more.. I don’t even remember if I had.. I know you love me but i am sorry. I can’t love you..” That sentence stunned me. Here I was asking for a second chance with her when I had never got my first chance.. I begged for the my first chance. I kept asking her if there was anything wrong with what i did or had done for her. She too had decided to keep silence as her ally. That day, I gave her a new date, telling her that I will call her the next day by which she could decide whether she wants to give me a chance or not. I told her that i am leaving the state and running away if she still plans to leave me.. I knew I had to as every single thing around me had her memories deeply engraved in it. From the dress I wore, to the car, to my laptop to my specs right down to my tooth brush had her scent on it. She can’t just leave me right?

The next evening she held on to her word and I boarded a flight to Delhi. I was running away a second time. Every circumstance were the same. But this time I was running away to prevent myself from getting hurt… During a stopover at Hyderabad, I called her again to tell her to call up my parents and tell them what happened. She agreed reluctantly to call them the next day. So the next day I tried calling her but she would not pick up. Finally after trying for around an hour or so, she finally picked up and told me that she couldn’t talk as she was in a hospital in our work town. She was taken there as she fainted in the morning. This news passed right through my heart and brain like a burning arrow through butter. One half of my brain told me to rush back while the other argued it would increase her pain. Then in the middle of this heated battle, my heart stepped in and told me “dude, you hurt the girl who was everything to you… why are you even alive??”.. That voice is what i wanted to follow.

Next thing I know was me blacked out on the bathroom floor with blood leaking out of my head. A clock hung on the wall, which i could see told me that I was out for an hour. Getting up wearily I reached for my phone and dialled her number. She did not pick up. With no options left, I called her dad. He picked the call and upon asking for her whereabouts he said “She reached home around fifteen minutes back. She went to bed as she had a headache”.. Groggy as i was, I realized that the timeline did not match. It would have taken at least four hours to get from our town to her hometown, definitely impossible in an hour… She had lied to me… yet again. Looking at the blood splattered face in the mirror, I realized that listening to my heart might have been one mistake I had been doing for some time. On an impulse I took my laptop and logged into her account to which i knew the password and went through her chat logs. My heart pounded, my breathing became more rapid and tears formed in my eyes. She used to chat with him every day and she was telling him that she would marry him for over three months now, all the while telling the same to me. There were many more things which I could only sit and read piecing together the hidden thread which was running the whole show. I recalled how she was avoiding sending any messages or save-able chats in which she would declare her love for me though it was lavishly furnished directly to me. I felt like a toy in the hand of a kid. I felt USED…

All I could do was try to get well soon now. Everyday there was spent writing letters to her. Support came from totally unexpected corners. Finally the day came for me to go back. I called up my dad and told him to come and pick me up alone from the airport, I wanted to confess to him. Though that did not get me any consoling words, it felt good to open up to my dad, though he forgave me instantly.

Some days later, I tried contacting her multiple times but she never responded. Finally one day I caught hold of her on chat. Much begging later, she agreed to chat for five minutes, she gave me a deadline of exactly five minutes after which she would sign off. I was sure that it was him and not her. The very same day, i got a courier from the car showroom with photos of her accepting the car keys. Once again i moved into a trance. Without thinking much further, I headed out to her hometown and to her house. As i knocked at her house, she along with her sister opened the door. Desperate as I was to talk to her I asked her sister if her dad or mom were at home, “No” came the answer. I quietly took leave letting them know that I would wait by the road for them. Soon they came and I sat down to talk with them. Slowly and painfully I narrated the whole story to them. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as memories flooded my mind. But when I completed it, I saw a wry smile on her mom’s face and then she asked me “So what are we supposed to do???”. I was so taken aback by the question that I was dumbfounded. The next blow didn’t take much time and this time it was from her father who said “You don’t know what is love. Sacrificing everything and keeping her happy is not love”. I stood up and looked him in the eye and asked him “Uncle, If not please tell me what is love… is what you do to your family called love? Is how you take care of her called love?? Please tell me.”. He was visibly shocked at my reaction and silently retreated to the security of his house.

I told them that i just had one request, I just wanted to see her, and wanted to tell her to send a mail to me once in a while, just to know that she was fine. I loved her so much and had taken care of her all the while, I deserve a bare minimum to atleast know that things are going on well for her. All the while had it been any human, she would have come out and told me to leave. But she did not and moreover her parents did not want me to see her.. I didn’t want to be a nuisance to them so I handed over the photo, the only thing she had brought for me which was a phone book, a diamond ring and the diamond pendant to them and proceeded to leave. But I guess they were not done with me. Her mom literally threw the jewellery box, at me, telling me to take it. I was shocked at this reaction of her, and at that moment I knew and pledged that I will not return unless I see her. I told them this sparking an immediate retreat by them to the security of their house. Her dad told me I would never understand his mind then, but i told him very clearly what was happening in my mind “Uncle, if you want to know what i feel, then aunty and your kids should leave you with no reason and then you should go and sit like how i am sitting begging to her parents just to let you see her for a minute.. Just to ask if she was ok?? That is what i am feeling in my mind…” He did not utter another word… I sat outside calling out to her until her mom came out and told me that she will see me but I am not supposed to talk to her and that I am to stay far away from her. I agreed though i could not understand the logic behind that.

As i waited, she came out. She looked me in the eyes… I am unsure of what was she thinking but I know that I will never forget that look. I wanted to keep looking at her. Vivid images of the first time I had seen her, to the last time I saw her flashed in front of me. She looked pale, the dark circles around her eyes suggested she might have cried today. Her dress was loose, which told me she might not have eaten properly. I LOVE HER.. But i could not say it… I got up, clasped my hands together and bowed to her showing to her that even after all this; she meant the world to me. Silently I returned to my car and went home… That was the last time I ever saw her…

Two question haunt me to this day… Why did she leave me??? No one including her was able to answer it… The second is the most important one and the reason why this story was titled so: What was the missing piece which i missed which if found could have changed the way this story ended. Should I have restricted her from talking to him? Should I have told her mom about the depth of our relation earlier? Should I have NOT given so much to her? What did I miss??

Frankly I do not know but I live today knowing and considering that either I failed to find a link or a sign using which I could have changed the direction of the story or that this was what was meant to be…

She is for me now like that neighbour’s cute dog who would come running wagging her tail when you show a piece of bone to it, or like the cute kid who comes to you when you make a face at him, or like the hot stripper who lingers around you when you pull out the wad of cash but once owner whistles, once he hears his mom’s sound, once the music gets over, they all go back leaving you wondering If only it/he/she could be mine… Then again that was not meant to be… She was not meant to be mine!!!

 

-Ninja-

(THE END…)

The Missing Piece – GRAVITY

 

    I ran straight into him in the corridor. I could not even look into his eyes, somewhere within me there was a guilt. Though everything could have been justifiable I knew that there was something wrong in what i was doing. I walked past him with a ever so slight nod of my head… I could see a slight flicker of a smile to me, I tried to do the same back though I knew that my eyes would let me down. I met her inside the office, and she told me exactly what was going through her mind. She was afraid and scared. She didn’t know how to face him… But we both knew that we had to face him and tell him what was happening. There was no way out.

    The next twelve hours was of confusion, emotions and prayers. We told him what our relation had been over the last some months. Furthermore she told him of her decision of marrying me. All the while his mental state switched between rage and sadness, I was finding it more and more difficult to keep myself composed.. I just wanted him to leave as I knew that he being here would only damage all of us. I subtly kept hinting the same to him even offering to book him his ticket. But somehow it did not seem likely until finally he asked me to take him to a nearby church. He told us to wait in the car while he went in.. Ten minutes later he came back and told us that he was ok with our relation and that he would step out of the whole story as he understood what was happening. I don’t know if relieved would be the right word to use here as I could feel his pain within him but for me, silence was the best bet. Towards the evening, things were almost sorted out and they wanted to talk for a few minutes together. I let them do that.

    Fifteen minutes later, she came out and told me that she wanted to give him a final kiss. Shaken as i was, I didn’t ever want not to give her anything she asks, so I agreed. How could she even ask me that was beyond me that the whole question of how I could permit her seemed irrelevant. She went into back and came out around five minutes later. This time she had another request, that he had asked her, if she could talk with him over dinner that night. Unknown to him, myself and her were to travel to another district that night and then I was to leave her at her home the next morning. So I asked her why was she lying to him yet again and that too even after he had agreed on our relation? “I don’t want to hurt him now”, came the answer. So yet again I dropped them both off at a restaurant near her hostel and without him knowing proceeded to wait in my car a bit away for the next two and a half hours. Finally at around ten in the night she called me to tell me that they were on the way to her hostel and I could come and pick her up once he left from there.

    After picking her up, i asked her what they were talking about. I got the answer in the form of another request, She wanted to spend a day with him in his city of work to listen to him and his issues. With a slight pause she added “but as a friend. I know I cannot even ask such a thing but I wanted to be truthful to you…” Even while I could feel the shock of the request I heard reverberating through my body, I heard myself say “Do you want me to book your tickets?”… I could tell that she was shocked by my response too. We both we really tired and sad after the whole ordeal and I had to once again keep in control while she talked over six times with him over the phone. I trusted her more than anything on earth.

    The following week went ahead with us deciding on a date to actually get married. We planned to go and get a court marriage in case her parents had some problem, this was a backup especially since they were oblivious to all what was happening amongst us. Once we fixed upon a approximate date, we were out to celebrate with some friends, when she told them that she would like it if they could sign at our wedding as the main witnesses. For the first time in our life I was seeing her take the upper hand in steering the ship. Then that weekend, we decided that it was time to let her parents know of the story and of the bare fact, that she wanted to marry me. I was quite confident about getting a go-ahead from her parents, primarily due to my relation with her parents which was really wonderful and secondly due to the word which her mom had given me when i confessed about my love for her daughter. That Sunday, as usual I picked her up from her hometown. I could see that she was a bit disturbed. Once in the car, I asked her gently what was happening.

Though she hesitated at first, she started narrating what happened at her house. It seemed that when she told her parents about wanting to marry me, her dad had replied “He is a great guy, a good person. I am sure that there is No one in the world who can look after you, take care of you, Keep you happy and love you like him. But since you are a person who believes in Jesus Christ your life should not be happy. You should be in Pain like how jesus’s life was. Moreover He is very hardworking and has achieved everything in his life with that and his skills. That is wrong, you should pray and accept only what god gives you, since if you use your skills then it is the devil that is playing. Due to this, I do not want you to marry him…” For a minute I thought I had misheard her. That was the stupidest argument I had ever heard in my life. I knew that her dad was outrageously religious and that he actually kept his entire six acres of Prime land uncultivated since he believed that Jesus would grow food for him there once the world ends, effectively almost starving his family in the present. I had always considered the whole thing as a joke but here I was in the middle of this joke and I never could even feel the slightest hint of humour in it. In every single probability i had calculated on how this would end, this was definitely not one of it. Every single parent would have used the exact same argument to convince their daughter to marry that guy ASAP. But here somewhere, somehow the tables were being reversed and there was no logical reason for that.

We somehow managed to get through that crisis but there was something different. One difference was that , i had exhausted all my bank balance and was running low on luxury. But i always ensured that no matter what she could always have the best food and stuff even if it meant I would have to survive on ‘other’ options.. I ensured that she still gets to go for her shopping, she still gets her dinners and juices and her recharges. But something was always not right. One day she told me that her friend from another city was coming and that she was going out with her and will be probably staying with their friends quite far away from the city. Since it was someone i Knew i had agreed to it. But on the day of her arrival, I had offered to drop her at the railway station so that she could avoid travelling in a bus. But just before I was to pick her up, she threw up a tantrum, the reason for which was that I had jokingly stuck a small piece of blank paper on her dress earlier and she ‘somehow’ felt that everyone in the building was seeing her as a joker… She told me that she didn’t want to see me and that i leave her at the bus stop and not the railway station. I had to obey her but it raised some serious doubts in my mind. So once back at the office, I called up her friend’s number but found it to be switched off. So i called up the university where she was working and asked for her claiming to be a student’s brother wanting to discuss something regarding the performance of my ‘brother’. Though i really didn’t want to, I got through… She was at her college which meant the person whom i believed more than anything in the world was lying to me. I tried calling her many times but she didn’t pick up. My heart was pounding, my head was aching, i could not see clearly nor hear what was around me. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Finally she sent me a message in which she scolded me of not giving her freedom and that i was disturbing her conversation with her ‘friend’. Finally with absolutely no option left I sent her a message at around eight that if she does not call me back, I would have to call her parents up. Within seconds, she did call me back. I told her that about her friend and asked her to confess where she was and with whom. My worst fears were true but in a distorted way. She was at his relatives place in the neighbouring state and then went on to tell that he was on the way to meet up with them. The reason for going was to tell them herself that she did not want to marry him and the reason for lying to me was because she didn’t want to hurt me. For the first time in my life I ended the day drowned in drinks… Alcohol fuelled the night to move aside and she came to my house in the morning. We talked and ten minutes later I had forgiven her. Things were back to almost normal.

We still did travel around a lot. It was once during such a trip to Bangalore, and couple of other places that I got hold of her phone while she was trying on a dress. While browsing through it I saw a message, it read “Don’t worry dear, I love you so much I am there for you. I will not leave you…”. Reading further There were more and it was all addressed to HIM… I hoped dearly that it be some kind of a new fad where friends send these to each other. I knew I had to confront her so I asked her what was going on between them now. She did not reply, so i pressed further telling her about the message, to which she again kept quite. I was quite enraged by what happened. I told her that she has to stop it and that she was giving him hopes. She agreed and yet again twenty minutes later, I had forgiven her.

This incident was some kind of a spark which had found its way to the gunpowder which was leaking from a barrel. Multiple times for multiple reasons she told me that she wanted to leave me. Every single time I patched up. The stage where threats begin with “If you don’t want then just go” was setting in for her. I was unable to comprehend why this was happening. Things had gone way out of hand by then, Tons of people all around the place where we worked and lived had come to know, Our relatives, friends and family had become involved. I was starting to lose track of Logic here. I was hoping to she would atleast keep the relation alive if not for love but for logic. My love for her was not weakening at all but somehow she was blinded from seeing it at all. Even while all this happened we still used to go out, we still stayed together when we got a chance, i Still got my goodnight kisses and our five kids still had a chance to be born…She was still mine!!!

That Thursday, we went for a late movie and later I dropped her back at her hostel and bid her farewell after my goodnight kiss.. It was a good sleep. Around ten in the morning I woke up to the phone ringing. It was her, “Hey, please come to the Park at the city centre urgently “. I immediately wondered why she was at the park and not at her office, Nevertheless I quickly dressed up and reached the park.

I was greeted by her, and with her was him and another guy whom I had never met in my whole life. I walked over and asked her what happened? The simple answer she gave me was one I never wanted to hear in my life. “I want to live with him and not you….”. Her voice trailed off. There was just one word in the English vocabulary which could turn this whole sentence into a news I could bear… I waited for her to at least end that sentence with a ‘but’. But I realized It was never coming. She was putting me down, She was finishing me off, she was killing me. The first question which came into my mind was what did I do wrong during the seven hours I slept an hour back.

But even before I could even think about answering the question, everything turned gray and I found myself standing in a lonely street watching a young couple standing face to face a few feet in front of me. The place looked eerily familiar. I caught hold of a movement and saw the girl move slowly and rest her head on the guy’s shoulder sobbing gently. I watched as time slowed down, as the alley faded to blackness until It was only them that i could see. Then all of a sudden, as if out of a dream the guy moved back, looked at her, smiled and said something. I could make out that the girl was smiling now. Then they turned and walked away from me…

But as they did, the guy turned towards me and looked up letting the glow show his face to me… It was me from around three years back… As our eyes met, the glow in his face left him and I mouthed silently along with him “She was not mine…”

(Next: the final Part – Epilogue)

-Ninja-

The Missing Piece – LIFE COULDN’T BE BETTER

 

    Even when i could feel the warmth of the morning sun on the back of my head, I was too scared to open my eyes, unsure if all the things which happened would fade of like a dream. Slowly i felt around with my hands and still found that she was next to me. Taking a deep breath, i could smell her hair as she her head rested on my chest. I knew that it had not been a dream and that she was next to me. I opened my eyes to notice that she was already awake. The whole incident which happened was too much for me to absorb that I repeatedly kept on asking her if what had happened last night was true to not. We spent the whole morning talking with each other, but again I had no idea what she was talking to me as I could only enjoy the feeling of lying in her lap. I kind of had the similar deep rooted belief of a child in his mother’s womb, who might feel that, he is now lying in the heaven on earth. We checked out at noon and went to the airport to catch our flight to Bangalore. Her expression while on the flight was a potpourri of speechlessness, awe and surprise. Once in Bangalore, i was ready for the next part of the plan, which consisted of the next leg of the journey to our work city on an “especially for her” plane. That evening we concluded that trip at her hostel but not before a short bike ride into the city during which i might have asked her over a hundred times whether she enjoyed the trip for the sole reason of lauding my own success at its execution.

    That night, I got my first wave of guilt of what had happened. I was unsure what and why I had done that. I decided that i needed to talk to her about that. So the next day we met for lunch and its when I asked her for the first time “what about him”? I knew that, at all points, there is always one absolutely tough and painful topic of conversation between all couples. This was ‘THE QUESTION’ in our relationship at this point. After much ball throwing she finally said that “there isn’t much chance that he will be able to marry me, so i guess its ok. But just in case he is able to, then I will have to be with him.”… So myself, madly in love agreed to be the second in command or more accurately “the spare tyre”. The agreement was reached quickly primarily considering the pain of discussing the topic rather than the logic or practicality involved in standing to the decision. Within a couple of days of this, we had already planned our next trip to a famous hill station. The exact same sequence of events started following up, which included the shopping, the hyping and of course the proxy arrangements. Hence started that trip too during which i was able to provide her with her first private candle light dinner, an elephant ride and an amazing tour. For a big time accountability oriented person, cash flow and bank balance no longer seemed important. Four days at the resort ensured that we became the local attraction as the cute young ‘honeymoon’ couple so madly in love. It was on the second night of this that we mutually decided, purely out of respect towards each other that, under no circumstance will we cross the ultimate limit in our physical relation, until we get married. Though extremely tough, in a bizarre way this seemed logical as it was better to go nuts looking to marry her than to go nuts feeling guilty about it commonly to go all the way with her. The trip lasted four day.

    Soon after that, her work schedule got much tighter and tighter but i no matter what i always used to ensure my presence in front of her whenever she wanted a moral support. A drop of tear from her eyes in which “I miss you” was engraved brought me down in the very next flight from Delhi and Mumbai. I could never go for any trip unless i could physically give her a good-bye kiss. The tough nights she had, the pressure she faced from her office, the small problems she had at home, the fights with him, the time of the month depressions, all meant it was time to snuggle close to me and start her five minute countdown to a smile. I ensured, no matter where i was, that she never faced any difficulties, that she always got what she wanted. On the week on my birthday, we took our longest trip during which we went back to Goa. But this time instead of staying at a resort, I decided to give her a firsthand preview of what i liked to call “Life with the Ninja”, which was nothing but how it would be to live with me as my wife in our house. With that aim, i rented out a large apartment there and decided to spend what would be a trial period of our life together. We started out on the day before my Birthday in a first class cabin of a Rajdhani Train. At the stroke of midnight, on a birthday which i would never forget for, i got the best gift in my whole twenty four years of existence. She hugged me, and gave me a my best birthday wish… She gave me twenty four kisses. Though i would have loved something physical also along which that, something i could keep with me and show people around, i could not complain as I might be the first guy who would have got ‘this’ present on his birthday. The trip though was fun, was clouded by the various workplace tensions she had brought in with her trip.

    Soon after the trip, we somehow found ourselves amidst the same question which had haunted us earlier. I believe the reason for the same could be attributed to the fact that reality was catching on to us. We decided to give him a date before which he would have to move in with a decision. The date was set and i began what could only be termed as an eternal wait, something vaguely similar to the wait which you feel when standing in an unrealistically long queue outside a public toilet when your nature’s call is ready to unleash its fury on your pants. It was a gamble between going crazy and going nuts, either way i knew i would be losing it. I sought refuge from my parents by telling them half-truths about us. I am not sure if i actually got support but it felt really good inside. The day before the fateful day, i secretly dropped her at her local bus-stop, bid a farewell and left for home to sit out the remaining twelve hours to the D-day.

    She didn’t call me that night, nor did she pick up my call in the morning. Finally my phone beeped. A message from her read “He called my mom yesterday evening, he wants to marry me. I am sorry”. Though the message comprised of hardly fifteen words, I was unable to comprehend the meaning it conveyed. It was as if all my vocabulary skills, all my deduction capability and all my common sense for that matter, was non functional. I called her and told her, that i could not understand what she meant. She narrated the entire incident which could be summarized using the exact same words, in the exact same order as in the message she sent me earlier. It was over, and just like that. My mom had to bear witness to her son crashing and burning that day. With her permission, i called up her mom and confessed to her about our relationship carefully ironing out the wrinkles which any parent would not want to hear. She replied “You should have told me atleast a couple of days earlier, I could have done something. Moreover, She is the person who is supposed to tell me this. If she does then, i shall see to it. Until then, I am sorry…” I wondered why everyone was telling sorry to me!!!

    That same evening, she called me and told me that, she wanted to just see me one more time the next day. Though my mind kept asking me why, I agreed. So the next day, i once again picked her up from her hometown. It didn’t take long before excess fluid in our body started leaking from the eyes. I am unable to remember the exact conversation, but one thing led to another and we figured out that we couldn’t stay away from each other and just like that, we were a couple again. The ‘excuse’ answer to the question was “he always used to give such words but nothing really happens”. Once again we fixed goals for him to achieve and fixed another date, which was well over four months away. But this time, i didn’t want the date to come up. It is really paradoxical why one’s sub-conscious mind always perceives time in the exact opposite way as what is requested by the conscious mind. That date seemed like the vortex in a whirlpool, slowly sucking me faster and faster into its bowels. The amazing good times we had, with all the shopping, the trips, the laughter and everything in between seemed to fuel this acceleration. Before I could even prepare myself, I was peering over the edge to yet another D-Day. I peeked into the rearview mirror only to catch a glance of the different places we travelled to, the many small lies we said, the different locations we stayed at, the tons of people who now knew the secret and almost being caught for Immoral trafficking by some really immoral policemen. Yup, i realized, all that did happen!!!

    The key goal set in front of him was to get his parents to call her parents, and of course talk, which was probably the most important chapter in the case of an Indian Marriage. Though i was unable to predict to any accuracy what would be the outcome, i sincerely hoped, his parents finds some kind of shortcoming in her parents and would look for a way to end the relationship. I dreamed of being like spiderman who could swoop down and rescue her from his parents just as he would rescue Mary Jane from the claws of the Green Goblin in ‘Real-Life’. But times change and even make Green Goblin to come forward attempting to rescue mary Jane. The call did happen but the result of which did not go the way i expected. His parents were interested in going ahead with the proposal. Once again, everything ended or it had to end. That day in the evening, we went out for what was supposed to be yet another last drive together. I told her that, if she wishes me to leave, i would do it as the last thing I would want is her to get hurt. I half expected a nod of agreement but what I got instead, turned around the whole story yet again. She hugged me and told me that she cannot leave me. This time the reason being the fact that there is a slight point of rift between the parents which, was basically based on their biasing towards the year of marriage. He had promised to give her a solution within the next four days. So Yet again, we had a new date.

    I knew the whole exercise was going to be a fruitless meddle for my mind though somewhere in my mind, i still had a glimmer of hope. Four days passed, there was no response. The group of days which passed came to known as a week and then it doubled.. Still there was no response. So one day, quite some time after the ‘deadline’ we decided to talk again. In the corner of a quite cafe’, amidst a couple of cups of cappuccino and burgers i asked her, if she could be mine… Whether she could marry me… I Proposed to her… I watched to see if there were any hesitation in her reply, whatever that maybe. But it seemed that she was expecting it from me, and already had her answer ready for it. She said YES…

    I had come a long way from when a single look from her would send adrenalin rushing through my veins but that one simple word was what i was searching from the day i met her. Describing or understanding the flurry of physiological changes in me upon hearing that particular three letter word would make a biology text by itself. Being a public place, where we could be quite known implied that i needed to keep my feelings in control. She, once said that, stepped outside to call him and tell him of her decision. She told him that he was not reliable as it always was required for her to set deadlines for him to move forward and those deadlines were ones which he took up fearing losing her, which she couldn’t see as love. Once done, we headed back, where in which i once again confirmed with her on what her answer was. Thankfully it was not a dream.

    Three days later, as the first step towards our life together, or more like, towards preparation of our life together, i booked a new car and I booked it in her name. Couple of days later, we opened our first joint account at a nearby branch. We even started searching for names for the two boys and three girls we were going to have. Childish as it may sound, madly in love and going to get married does this to ever sane mind!!! We secretly started inviting our closest friends to our yet to be finalized marriage. The planning and thoughts were bursting out like champagne from a bottle after it has travelled on an Indian road for a day. A well cooked salad of ‘blissful’, ‘childish’, ‘ecstatic’ and ‘dreamy’ might give a brief idea on how our mind might have felt those days. She stopped taking his calls and was so over him. Every day was a new day for us to dream more until that day came…

     One day morning, she called me and in a hushed voice told me, that He had come here. And that he was standing outside her office… Her voice silently screamed “Please, help me….”. I told her to hold on and frantically rushed out to get to the office…

(To Be Continued…)

-Ninja-

The missing piece – I LOVE YOU

 

Her birthday, 2009:

The day started with me picking her up and going to the church. I knew that though it was her birthday, it was me who was going to get the best gift, i would get to see her special smile, the one which always gives me the rush within. The first one came, when she got to the church and was greeted by the priest, and when she knew the mass was for her. For the first time in 6 years, i too attended the mass, though i spent most of my time gazing at her than the holy cross. I realized then that, had the church replaced the holy cross with her photo, i would have lived in a church. The morning section ended with a small feast from the priest, a couple of flowers being gifted to her by the young priests. Next stop was a small but personal breakfast amongst us. Once she reached her office she immediately saw the bouquet which had a note which said “You know who this is from, call me when you see it !!!”. she called me… I knew there was a gift for me which unfortunately i could not see. But soon i got my next gift when i gave her office team a birthday treat, on her behalf. In the evening, we along with some close friends decided to go for a ‘dinner’. We headed out to the restaurant. When i entered the restaurant, i got what could be said as the biggest disappointment of my life. The restaurant was not booked, there was no band, no decoration and hell not even a reserved seat for us. Not wanting to show my anger, we took up a seat. For me that was the worst dinner ever, and no matter what i did, time was stubborn, it just didn’t want to move. I grew grumpier and restless with each passing minute. Once the dinner was done, we cut a cake and started back, but not before me venting my whole rage on the F&B manager there. I vowed never to return as he just destroyed the best day of my life.

Everyone as well as she had noticed my mood by then. On the way back, we dropped everyone, and finally it was just me, her and my secret-knowing friend in the car. She was keeping on pestering me on what had happened, i kept mum. Finally just before my friend was getting out, she blurted out about the plan i had made and how it had been shattered. Nothing was spoken on the way back to her hostel. Upon reaching, she got out, walked up to the driver side window, and asked me why i was so sad. I just replied that i had been planning this day for weeks altogether and just wanted it to be perfect for her. But i had failed, both for her and for me… Or so i thought… On some kind of an impulse herself, she grabbed my had, held it towards her chest and said “Hey, this was the best day in my whole life, just to know about what you did and what you tried to do, This was my best birthday ever..”… then the unthinkable happened. She took my hand and kissed it, turned around and walked away.

    I am still unsure how much time i sat, locked in the seat, before i realized that i was alone in front of a ladies hostel at nearly ten in the night. I kept looking at my hand half expecting her kiss to leave a permanent mark on my hand. I wouldn’t have even cared if it had burned a hole in my hand, atleast it would stay forever. I had to tell my friend what happened. I took out my phone, and hastily typed in “she just kissed my hand… I love her so much.” And sent it… Moments later, i got the delivery message.. it read message delivered to her rather than my friend. In my dazed state, i had sent the message to her. I knew there was no way i could explain it to her, i just murmured what i can only term as a dying prayer asking god not to take it all away from me. Once again he heeded to my prayer. She took it as a forward, or so i believed. We just didn’t talk about it. I knew that, if not for her, that day turned out to be the best day ever.

    I was to leave for Bangalore on official visit the next day and had to return to my hometown that day. I realized that dreaming and driving was actually possible for me. For the whole of the next day, i took pain not to wash the hand she kissed, with a half crazed logic of water washing the essence of the kiss away. Madly in love would have been a definite understatement at this stage. She too was somehow, overwhelmed by that day’s happening, the frequency and the desperation in the calls increased multi-fold, though we both were inclined not to discuss the ‘embarrassing’ incident. So desperately was she missing me, that couple of days later, she called me and cried since she was feeling alone and lonely, for which the only explanation would be myself not being there near her. Once again less than five minutes was all i took to get her to smile.

Once my work in Bangalore was complete, i had to travel to Chennai for a couple of days before returning back. While in Chennai, i received a mail, in which i had a conference in Bangalore the next weekend. That night while talking to her, i mentioned the same to her, all of a sudden her tone changed to the tone she has when she thinks aloud. She ‘thought’ how lucky i was that i get to travel and see so many places. I had no idea why but i suggested that she could come with me for the day. We would have a one day trip to Bangalore and she could see the place. I expected either a scolding or a laugh from her, but to my shock she asked if i was serious. I had no option but to say yes. She agreed. So it was planned, that she would come with me to Bangalore for the day. Later that day, as we were talking about something, she mentioned that she has never got on a plane before. Again impulsively i asked her if i could include the Sunday also on the trip so that we could go from Bangalore to Hyderabad and then take a flight back, the logic being longer time inside a flight. Once again she agreed. That night, all i could think about was how i could squeeze out the maximum amount of smile from her.. i was growing greedy. So early the next morning, i again called her and asked her if i could include Monday too in the trip. Once again she said Yes and asked me what is the plan. Intended as fun, i told her its a surprise and that i will not tell it to her, and mockingly asked her if she would accompany me in such a situation. Her reply though it meant nothing for her meant the world to me, she said “I would not even go in such a situation with my father, but I trust you more than myself so with you I will come anywhere…”. I actually had to hang up the phone, in order to prevent her from hearing me choke up.

Once i reached back, i picked her up from near her home, to come to our work city, it was a slow drive, with her blabbering and me being obviously lost in her charms, and not listening to a single word she was telling. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, to the tune of a romantic Hindi song from Yuvraj, our hands touched… any other day it would have been pulled back immediately, but today it lingered… both of us were waiting for the other to move their hand away but it just did not move. As always, humour is the best medicine against awkwardness, so caught hold of my hand and started tapping it on the armrest to the beat of the song. Slowly the song faded in the end, the tapping too faded but our hands remained together, we were just holding our hands. I was immediately transported to the call centre days, but somehow i was not feeling disturbed. So engrossed were we in this that, we missed our route to the hostel and even after reaching the hostel, it was hard to let go.

    The next few days were spent on the so called trip preparation, which mainly consisted of shopping and me trying hard to build up the hype. I brought around eleven dresses for her, including some sleeveless ones, which she said she would be comfortable wearing only in front of me. We brought all kinds of stuff from skirts to top, jeans, shorts, cosmetics and everything we could get our hands on. I too did my version of shopping; I brought something for her, something really serious. Soon the day arrived, it was a Friday. We were supposed to leave to Bangalore on a Volvo Bus in the evening, the trip being an overnight one. After what could only be called a really stealthy and covert operation, we manage to board the bus without anyone else noticing, thanks to the supporting role of another friend. Once seated, we setup our proxy systems to ensure that the trip would be untraceable, i silently thanked god for making me a techie. She had told her friends that she was visiting her relative in Bangalore, to him and to her parents it was a company outing to a remote forest area near Bangalore.

    Once again, the journey was something i could never forget. We watched the film for a while but then she told me she was tired and wanted to sleep. I covered her with the provided blanket and tucked her in, soon she was trying to get into a comfortable position. Finally she found the position she was most comfortable in, hugging my hands and resting her head on my shoulders. The film, was no longer of any importance to be, i was watching her: tracing the soft delicate curves of her face, a small yet hypnotic smile on her lips… no words could describe it. I couldn’t resist, slowly i placed a gentle kiss, on her forehead. As if acknowledging it, she snuggled closer, purring in her sleep. Later into the night, she woke up to see me awake, she was cold… I offered her my blanket, wrapped her around with it and held her close, I was hugging her. I wished time would freeze and remain so for eternity. We reached Bangalore in the morning, and met up with couple of my friends who came to pick us up. I had already cancelled my appointment and had made serious plans. Once at their house, when she went for a bath, I showed them the thing i brought for her… Their jaws literally fell, i had to tell them the secret too. I took her on the bike to the famous water theme park Wonder La. Had a blast of a time there with the squiggling and giggling and playing/ messing around with each other. While returning, while on the bike, she hugged me tightly. Once back at my friend’s house, we packed for the second leg of our journey.

    Even while waiting for the bus, she had no idea where we were heading to. Soon, the bus arrived, It was only once the bus started moving did she realize that we were heading towards GOA. The surprise got her so powerfully that, i was rewarded with a sweet peck to the cheek. The trip was similarly placed as before except for the fact that she was now hugging me back. I knew that it was going to be my second day without sleep. We reached Goa by noon, once we got out of the bus; we got into a cab and headed to the destination… The second largest beachside resort in Goa. The mere sight of the resort, widened her eyes. She immediately turned and asked me what we are doing here to which i smiled and said “this, is where we stay”. Though i had reserved the resort, i had placed a request of an option to select the room upon arrival. Once inside, i told her i could ask for single rooms to which she said “I trust you and I don’t have a problem being in the same room as you”, and jokingly added “but do you trust me???”. I smiled and asked the receptionist to give us the deluxe suite.

    Once freshened up and after an elaborate photography session, we hired the same car we took to the resort and took off to explore Goa. Once we covered some basic tourism spots of south Goa, we went on to have an amazing dinner at a floating hotel on Mandovi River. To sum up the evening we had one of the best cruises ever on a boat filled with music and dance. She wore a dark green T-Shirt and a denim skirt; i just couldn’t take my eyes off her. So engrossed was me that i don’t remember anything in or around the river and the boat. At around ten we started back to the resort. On the way she was sleepy and wanted to sleep, on my lap. I stroked her head, brushing her hair away from her face till we reached the resort. Once back to the room, I told her to change to my favourite dress of the lot and told her to come to the balcony.

    The suite, overlooked the resort’s private beach, lined with palm and coconut trees, the golden sands glistened in the full moon, the smoothness of which was punctuated with small dark rocks. The waves danced to an unknown rhythm of nature’s orchestra like a bed of precious jewels. It seemed god was setting stage for a grand play. I told her to close her eyes and give me her hand. I took out what i had brought for her.. I placed in her hand, the diamond pendant … A small heart embedded with three diamonds beaded to a slender gold thread. She opened her eyes and gazed at it, her expressions altered between shock, awe and surprise. She just uttered one word, “Why?”. “For coming with me…”, that’s all i could say. We stood motionless for an unknown time period, after which she asked me to tie it around her neck for her. Once she turned to face me I actually felt as if her beauty had been augmented by the diamonds. I was so dazzled by it that i told her, i had to sleep. She walked to the bed, still dazed, picked up her phone and called up my Bangalore friend and told him what happened. She kept asking on why i had given her that, to which finally he told her what my feeling was for her. The moment she heard that, she hung up the call, came and sat down on the bead near me. Stroking my hair she told me what he had said, and asked me to tell her the truth.

    I broke down, tears welled in my eyes, I knew that the good times were too good to last, She was not destined to be mine. With a dry throat and in a choking voice, never even looking at her, I told her the whole story of how I loved her, and how I ran away to avoid hurting her. I told her everything. I untold all the lie I had told to her to hide the fact that I was madly in love with her. Then I told her, that i am ready to run away again if whatever that happened would trouble her. Without a word, she got up, came around the bed, lied down next to me, pulled me close to her chest and told me “I Love you too“. She was crying too, but she kept repeating the same over and over again… In the embrace, with her words as a lullaby, i could feel my mind leaving my body,, my whole mind was numbed and blank… I drifted off into a infinite black hole, the only thing i could feel was her soft voice whispering “I Love you”, and my head resting against her chest rocking along with her rhythmic breath..

    I knew that when i wake up, my life would be different… How? That troubled me…

(to be Continued)

-Ninja-

The Missing Piece – BACK NEAR HER

 

    Chennai was Hot, it was strange and it was lonely. It took me sometime to realize that all the beautiful locations, people and things which was shown in Tamil movies did not belong to Chennai. Thankfully for me the relocation had given me a temporary shelter, a well furnished house in the centre of the city. Unfortunately that was the only thing i could be thankful for. The only other relief was hearing her voice eight times that day.

    The next day, even before i left my house to join the office, i prayed for a miracle, in which maybe, just maybe a new girl would come and sweep me off. The miracle being not meeting her but her being single. But, i ended up in a class with just one girl. I am guessing that single statement would imply what happened to my miracle. Since i could not understand one word of the local language Tamil, there was just one friend for me. A guy from the neighbouring state of Andhra Pradesh, who could speak Hindi. The whole day, in class would be me writing enormously long e-mails to her and in the evening, making up reasons to call her just to hear her voice. One day i kind of crossed the limit, when i asked her, if i can get her a sim card, so that she could call me anytime she wants. I had no other intention but to save some money off the frequent calls i was giving her. But that scenario quickly turned around with Him calling me up and letting me know sympathetically that it would be hard for him to accommodate. It was then that the whole realization of why i had come here hit me, I came here to forget her, to run away from her. The days after that were spent by me in the exact same way, with me writing long letters to her and making up reasons to call her… But there was one small modification to it… The long mails which i used to type, I sent it to myself… The reasons i made to call her, was spoken to the Bay of Bengal. The only regret i had was that i couldn’t record her voice.

    Day joined together to become weeks, but the frustration never left me. I was overcome by guilt, a guilt i felt for punishing myself in this alien world. Everything has a threshold, One day the pain became too unbearable, that i decided to runaway the second time. This time to somewhere, i wanted to go where the road took me. Thanks to the National Highway authority of India, all roads lead to a Metro city, I reached Bangalore, the city where love is made or drained in minutes. I hoped to find my destiny here. Torn jeans, a sleeveless Hood shirt with an Harley Davidson Logo and a heavily modified bike that was myself in Bangalore. Fortune struck when i met with an old friend of mine, who referred me for an interview at bigtime MNC. Went for that, got through and then it was time for me to go back. I left Bangalore with a torn jeans, a sleeveless hood shirt with an Harley Davidson logo, a heavily modified bike and a tattoo for memory which said “Ninja”. That was the only thing which changed for me.

    The new ‘job’ gave me that extra nudge which was required to bid farewell to Chennai. I went back to my hometown. Nothing had changed there, “was I gone too long??” i kept asking myself. Despite my best effort to stop myself, I found myself at the doorstep of the Call centre, the very same spot when i had bid farewell to her. I couldn’t stop the tug which i was feeling deep in my chest, but i knew i had to see her. I went inside and met with the HR there and asked for her. He looked surprised but then he told me that she had left the job, sometime after i got transferred to Chennai. I knew the answer, “i was gone too long…”. With strong mixed feeling, came back home to get back to my life.

    The next couple of months were lost in the starting of my company, and i overloaded myself with work and tension and everything i could find around me. I tried to be everything in the company, Never wanting to sit alone or simply even for a minute. Things were moving along just fine, the only time i couldn’t engross myself away from her was in my dreams, but probably that was the only time i enjoyed. Everything was just fine, until it was time for my sister’s marriage. I was inviting my friends. I wanted to invite her, but i didn’t have her number and didn’t want to find that out. But when i invited him, he passed me her number and told me to call her too. So i did. Not only did i invite her but travelled all the way to go and invite her parents too, directly. I came to know she was in a company situated in an IT Park in another city. I was dragged right back into the frying pan.

    She couldn’t make to the wedding, but her parents did come. I tried to keep the phone calls and messages to a minimum. It was during this time, that my company got the news about an incubation facility in the same IT park. I never understood the way god plans. I was selected to scout the park for details. Since the date kind of coincided with a Reunion in my school which again happened to be in the same city. The day before that, i couldn’t resist calling her and asking her if she could meet me the next day and if possible coming with me to my school for the reunion. I knew the latter was a long shot. It did not come as a surprise when she agreed. So the next day, i waited at the bus-stop on my bike. I frankly planned to go to the school in an auto with her, as she would never get on the bike with me. But what happened next was obvious, she came and got on the bike, no questions asked whatsoever. When she rested her hands on my shoulder, i knew that it would be the worst average speed of my life. I drove like i was carrying the fate of the world on my bike. The day proceeded by atleast six of my teachers asking me if they could expect a happy news from me. I sincerely wished i could give them that, most of the teacher did get a wind of that too. After the program, i took her to the city, to my favourite dress shop and told her I wanted to but a dress for my friend who is a girl. She helped me select one. I gifted the dress to her along with a belated birthday wish, which was just a cover-up to see her flash that sweet, surprised twinkling smile. The one thing which i was even ready to die for.

    God, in some way or the other had enjoyed that show and was interested in increasing the bet. So he got us, more importantly me, into the incubation, and i ended up right next to her. This obviously brought us closer and closer. This being a much gradual process than before, was something i failed to recognize. But one day, after office i caught up with her. She looked sad, disturbed would be the right way to put it. I asked her to get in the car and took her out for a dinner. Started at the usual segment of tell me what happened. The usual drama consisting of “its Ok”, “there’s Nothing”, “i’m Fine” ensued. But then she started talking. The topic was both shocking and a revelation for me. I listened with fascination and awe about how she and he were having problems. She described in detail on how his parents were opposed to this relationship and how he was unwilling to compromise on his parents for her. The story went on and on and on. I do not know what happened but all of a sudden, i realized that i no longer wanted to be him. I stopped hearing what she was telling, i stopped feeling the people moving around me, I realized, once again, how madly i was in love with her. Yet i do not know what possessed me, but i told her everything would be ok and that she should keep up her faith in him. We left the hotel, and i dropped her back, no words were exchanged. That night, try as i might i still felt she was not supposed to be mine.

    This incident opened the flood doors to the clogged up tensions and problems she was facing. All of a sudden, i had become her second mind, her second conscious. I came to know of the troubles faced by her family, by her at her office and of course by him. The pinnacle of all this being a combination of her work issues and him. Her boss was absolutely cruel to her and made her work over Fourteen hours a day. So every office day would end at close to midnight with a absolutely exhausted, tired and depressed her trying to catch the last cab to her hostel. I offered to drop her one day, she agreed. I offered the next day too, she agreed but that day instead of going to the hostel, she asked me if i could take her on a short drive. I agreed, and the driven ended with a midnight dinner, and me dropping her to her hostel with her being more happy than she has ever been after her office. This small drive soon became a regular event. I couldn’t end my day without giving her this short drive and she couldn’t end hers without getting the same. It transitioned from an event to a tradition. This couple of hours started to be the time i used to live for. These trips started extending to short day-time trips during weekends but never alone. All was well except for the fact that, she started lying to him. According to his knowledge, she never used to meet me at all…

    Soon her birthday was nearing. She had told me on one drive that her birthday was never more than a group of her friends around her and a cake cutting. I wanted to do something for her, i wanted to give her a birthday which she would never forget. I planned for it, since i needed some help and support for the same, a select few from my friend circle was granted access to this secret for the first time. With their support i started planning. I booked the whole restaurant of the largest hotel in the city, requested them for a live back and a exclusive party. I even invited all the hotel staff personally for the program. I arranged for a huge bouquet of flowers at her office desk, i brought her a mobile phone searching high and low to get one which was her favourite colour. I gifted her the mobile a week or so before her birthday when i dropped her to her home. That day, once i left her home, she opened the pack and saw the phone. It seems, she was planning to buy the same phone, of the same colour herself on her birthday. That did make me happy, but not as much as when she texted me “I don’t know what to say to you. I love you so much”. Even though it didn’t mean anything by word, i had to stop my car and get out of it and swallow mouthfuls of fresh air just to recompose myself. I ever so wanted to reply back stating how much i loved her, I replied “Thanks” and threw in a wink!!! Driving the rest of the way did not even register in my conscious mind, i just knew that i got home, dreamy and hazy.

    The day before her birthday in 2009, she called me and in between the usual chatter, she told me of a desire to go to church the next day, she also passed on the information that it was just a a wish and no church had a mass in the morning. I was casual about the call, till the moment she hung up, i still have no idea, how many calls i made and people i visited but i managed to convince a priest to offer a mass for her the next day at a church nearby, a mass just for her. I called her and told her to get ready in the morning the next day as i would be coming to pick her up. She had no clue what was happening.

With everything set and planned, i closed my eyes to drift into what was supposed to be the best day ever in my life.

 

(To be continued)

 

-Ninja-

 

The Missing Piece – HOW I RAN AWAY.

 

Being someone who would subconsciously switch the vantage point when things don’t work out, I decided that she is to become my best friend, the underlying secret or plot being “I could at least be near you”. Armed with this decision, I marched back to the office, the same old me outside.

    Four guys and three girls became the so called gang, with us doing everything together. Even amidst this small gang, i never let go of a chance to steal a look at her. But all the while i would keep reminding me that she is not mine. She soon had to move out of the company accommodation, I searched high and low for a hostel. We even considered getting the girls an apartment but that failed. Finally she got into an hostel quiet near to my home. The days went by blissfully and i was able to suppress my feeling quite well until the gang slowly started disintegrating. I am unable to remember the exact reason or reasons which led to this but slowly this gang became smaller gangs with only two of the girls and two of us guys remaining in it. Being the person who stays close to her hostel, it became my ‘duty’ to ensure her safe return to the hostel. That was the most painful moment of the day for me. Knowing that I would not be able to see her for like the next ten hours. Wanting to support her no matter what, i gave her one of my cell phone. Something with which she could talk to ‘him’ and she could use to let me know if there is any emergency.

    One day in the office, during the break she asked me to come out with her, she wanted me to meet someone. I knew what to expect. We along with a couple of other friends went out and for the first time she introduced me (face to face) to him. For the first time in my life, i wanted to be someone else… I wanted to be him. I didn’t know anything about him, what he could do, what did he do and what he was!! I just wanted to be him. This though propelled him to the highest position of respect which i had. I don’t know how i say through that whole lunch, i was lost both outside and inside. I frankly do not remember anything which was said there as all i wanted then was to be him. What else could i possibly want? The day passed…

    Soon talking to him became routine affair though it was on phone. I wanted to know what was it that she saw in him and i wanted that. I even asked her multiple times but even she dint know. This quest brought me even closer to her and somehow brought her closer to me. I never realized how close we where until one day when i was out to drop her at the hostel at around 11 in the night. We were standing in an alley near her hostel when she got a call from her dad. The change in her face told me that it was bad news. I prayed it was not any actual bad news, but before i could complete the prayer, she burst into tears. Putting onto paper the flooding in my mind would be next to impossible. I was overwhelmed by anger, hatred, sadness, empathy and flurry of other emotions. I was shivering, i knew i had to keep myself in control. The moment she kept the phone, i asked the usual question “is everything ok?”. I could not look at her face, i knew i could not see that bright eye filled with tears. My hand rose multiple times to hug her but i knew that i should not do that. But then it happened. She slowly leaned onto my shoulder, rested her head on my arm and cried.

    Everything around me faded, the night became pitch dark but a strange glow was illuminating us. I wanted time to freeze. My body froze, my throat dried, I was afraid, afraid to even move a muscle, afraid to even blink for what if that destroyed this frame? I wanted to pat her back but i couldn’t. The wind blew her hair onto my face, my sleeve was wet from her tears, i still have no idea how much time had passed. But just like waking from a dream, the realization hit me again, “She was not mine…”. All i could do was to move back, look at her and give her my biggest smile. I don’t know what was it that i said, it was my mind talking as i was lost admiring how beautiful she looked basked in the soft hazy light of the street lamps. Within no time, she was smiling, she just made my day. Walked her to the hostel and I started the long walk back to my home. Being an ADDer I always daydream when i walk, but that day my dreams were not moving, it stood still. It was the frozen at the moment she rested her head on my shoulders. That was when i realized how close we had become.

    As with any awkward moment, the next day was all about pretending nothing had happened. But then i believe she forgot about it. Some days later was her graduation ceremony at her college. Obviously i attended the function. That day became important for me as that’s the day i met her parents and sisters. That day He was awarded the best student in the batch. When i saw that , i actually fell happy.. she had the best and that is why he had her which directly correlates to the fact that she is not mine. Yet again the present never ceases to stand different from the future.

    Rather than distance us, that ceremony in some weird way brought us closer. Another reason for this would be the fact that the gang had further dissolved with only two of us remaining in it. Now, the training session only consisted of me teaching her the miracles of computers and in most cases, taking her tests for her. Soon this moved one huge step forwarded, we used to hold hands while in the class. These times were so powerfully registered in my head as though this was something so out of the league, we both somehow looked at it very trivially. But then one day she confessed something to me, holding my hand in both her hands she said “Even in college, i was ashamed to hold his hands in public or in class, but in your case I am so comfortable…”.. This was like the best compliment i had ever received. Even though considering this statement as a proof, that she is more comfortable with me than with him, is plain one-sided, i could not counter argue it in my head.

    That day, after office, when i sat thinking about the day’s timeline, i started realizing that maybe by front of being her best friend was not working. I realized that i was still desperately in love with her and sadly its not right. I knew inside that I might hurt myself and her with this. I had to do something but i had no clue on what to do. Again i murmured my prayer. He listened… Next day during the office, there came in an announcement that 3 people can opt for an internal transfer to Chennai. I still don’t know what possessed me but I immediately stood up much to her as well as others shock. The person jotted down my name and left telling me that If selected I will have to shift within a week. Once i sat down, she looked at me, i knew immediately that she was sad… really sad. She said just one word. Why? I made up a long story of how i was trapped in Kerala my whole life and how i wanted to go and see the outside world… Little did i tell her how much i loved Kerala and that Chennai was the last place i would want to be in… Let alone telling her that I was running away coz I was in love with her… That day, I lied to her. I believed it was for the greater good but its much later on that i realized that no lie can help a greater good.

    It was fast, but I took the interview and got through. I immediately started having second thoughts about the whole scenario. As if god read my mind, a couple of hours later, i got a call telling me that the post is no longer available but there is another opening, I was with her when this happened. I could see the silent pleading in her eyes telling me not to go… I accepted the offer. The interview happened and yet again i cleared it. I was going to Chennai and the next couple of days were to be the last days with her. That day and the next day was the time when she saw my eyes welled up. We hardly talked but held hands the whole time. My mind was becoming a warzone, i was close to becoming a zombie. No one knew why i was leaving, and i could not even speak about it to anyone.

    On the last day, i got permission to leave half hour early. I bade my colleagues a good bye and left the office. She followed me out. Outside the office building, i immediately came to realize that the pain i had when bidding goodnight to her was not even comparable to the goodbye i was bidding now. Tears poured endlessly, I wanted to hug her and i could make out that she too wanted to. We wrote each other a letter, attached a small photo with it and promised to hold on to that for life. A small token to ‘remember’ each other. Little did she know what that meant to me. And awkward hug later, and a very long lingering ‘hand-shake’ later i left for home… Never intending to see her again…

    Heart broken, with nothing but a head load of memories, I left for Chennai… A drastic and impulsive move to end this chapter of my life. But it did not end… that was just the start of what was really meant to happen…

(to be continued)

 

-Ninja-

The Missing Piece- ORIGINS

 

Way back in 2007, when i was recovering from the accident which took away my sub-dream, I got so bored with sitting at home and doing nothing that, I decided to go and work at a call center. So i attended the interview. I cleared the language interview without much hassles and then it was time for the technical interview. So while myself and my new found friends there at the company were waiting for the interview (did i forget to mention, that by this time, i was already helping others with the computer doubts?) the door opened and SHE walked in. I can still remember that day so vividly. Her salwar was loose, with the dupatta hung in brilliant symmetry in front of her, and the way the ends of it flowed when she walked. I was wonderstruck by the grace, such was it that I felt as if she was floating (yes, i was so frozen in time that i could not even reason to myself that antigravity drives were not invented at that point). I silently whispered a prayer asking god to put her in my batch. God listened and even went the extra mile for me. She too had to attend the tech interview with us or rather with me. The moment she sat near me, i recognized the confused look in her face. I quietly thanked Charles Babbage for making computers and of course, for making it hard for normal people to understand. She had doubts and tonz of them too. I patiently waited for her to ask someone and for that someone to direct her to me. The probability of that happening was so tilted to me that it happened within the next 10 minutes. Again that confused, piteous look on her face when she approached me told me that I am desperately in love with her. Her smile was so captivating that I literally stammered when she asked the most stupid doubt ever. I prayed to get through the interview, not for me but for her. Again god listened and once again he went the extra mile and she was put in my batch.

    Evening came, she was supposed to be provided accommodation by the company. I hung around so that i could help her again. God once again played his part, she was to stay at an apartment near to my home, so I offered to help her get there along with a couple of other girls and my friend. On the way there, i got her the first thing, I brought her a Shawarma from my favourite Place. I could swear i felt us connecting. There was a steady wavelength match between us. We were ‘clicking’ at lot of points. At around 6 in the evening we dropped her at her place and left. The first thing i remember doing after reaching home, is pestering my best friend Savi to come online and i sent her this chat:-

NJ: Da, I think i am in Love…

Savi: What??? When?

NJ: today. There is this girl in the company i saw. I don’t know what happened but i know i am desperately in love with her.

Savi: are you mad? just like that?

NJ: Yes.. i know love at first sight is crap but… I am serious…

…. and it went on with me boring the hell out of her with the minutest of details of the dimples on her one cheek, the way she casually dragged her feet when she walked, the way her eyes glistened when she smiled etc.. Being a true friend I think she signed off in between coz she got too bored… hmmm….

    Well Next day, i was one of the first to reach the office. She came too. The office people wanted a couple of passport photos for the bank accounts and stuff. I did not have any. So i was about to go out to get them when she offered to come with me. So we went on our first unofficial Date, to Arun’s Studio to take a passport size photo of me. We Walked… slowly… I walked one step behind her so that i could take in every single step she took, i loved the way she loitered around something when it caught her eye, i loved it when she kept blabbering about totally unrelated things, I loved it when she noticed that i was trailing behind and she would turn around, tossing her hair back, gesturing with her lips asking what happened.. I loved… everything. It was dreamy, hazy and slow… The world had ceased to exist for me, there were no more people, no vehicles, nothing which remained. I knew i would never get bored or tired of watching her… But as they say dreams are not meant to last…

    Later that day, she told me she has to make a call. I offered her my phone (Yes, its true, she did not have a cell phone). Once over, i casually asked her if it was her dad, she told me NO. Brother? NO, Mother? NO.. Friend? Err… Yes. Oh ok… wait a second.. i recognized that look and tone.. It couldn’t be true.. She used the exact characteristic of a girl who has a boyfriend but does not want to reveal it or is ashamed/shy to say it. Before i could murmur my silent prayer she broke the silence “I cant lie to you.. its by boyfriend…”.. I was injured, my mind bled. Had she any idea of human anatomy and psychology, she would have recognized it spot on. The pupil dilation, the increased breathing, the “wipe imaginary sweat off face” gesture… My dreams had crashed even before it could take off. All i could do was smile… I tugged and struggled to end the day. That night, once again i pestered savi Online. There was nothing she could say, infact nothing anyone could say. It was the same old “don’t worry, it will be alright”…

    That night i wanted to cry out loud but my eyes refused to shed tears. My mind and my logic system screamed “she was not meant to be yours.. you don’t deserve her at all…”

    IF ONLY I HAD LISTENED……

 

(To be continued).

 

-Ninja-

SUM is the answer…

A recent incident has left me devoid of the so called memorable incidents which happened in my life but how on earth can i remember about it unless i atleast try to think about it.

so this time i will write about something which a lot of people have asked me. Something which lot of people have doubts about. about something which some people are actually concerned about. The answer to one of the biggest questions on earth. WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!!!! Hey, it is a big question coz many who know me have asked me this, many who read my blog have asked me this, let alone strangers have asked strangers this question. I never had an answer to it until some days back.

But even before i start off with telling the reason or going into an in-depth psychological analysis of my head, i need to be very clear on one fact that whatever i had written on my blog is true. YES folks, that is how i think, i can’t help but think of 100 different ways, a sentence can be valued, a hundred different statistics which might have a remote connection with the scenario i am in or calculating approximated standing probability for the outcome of my actions and ya of course using un-intelligible technical jargon in everything i do and say. I almost never forget any weirdo jargon or scientific term once i come across it but i would be most certain to forget the name of the person to whom i would have been talking for the past one hour, the route which i am required to take in order to return to a previously visited destination by myself. I don’t even think there is anything wrong with me coz i expected others to be exactly like but except for the simple fact that they are NOT.

I almost always have this weird fight going on in my head, especially when i talk to people especially cute girls, which would have my crazy half speaking out loud and my normal half screaming in my head. it would go something like this.

Crazy half: blah blah blah blah.. and hence blah blah blah. (rolling drums and punchline…)

Normal half: wooooo.. great job mate. that was just AWSOME..

Crazy half: But still you know that blah blah blah… blah blah… and so blah blah (and half awkward drum roll and another ‘punchline’)…

Normal half: What was that for?? you had nailed the conversation.. why did you even start talking again?? You really need to..

Crazy half: Even though, you see what i said may not be fully right as blah blah blah blah…

Normal half: WTF?? why the hell are you saying the other side of the story?? SHUT UP dude…

Crazy half: Blah blah blah. So you see, i am not right, probably you are!!! hence blah blah blah….. (drummer walks off… Still manages a reversed punchline (probably should say kickline (coz kick might be the opposite of punch (oh shit, too many brackets)))))

Normal half: Dude, do you realize that you are now argueing with yourself???

Crazy half: (oh shit… i am standing on the wrong side).. hey though i said that blah blah blah blah blah.. see so whatever i said is right.. blah blah..

Normal half: Its amazing how many different ways you can tell the same thing again. I though there were just past, present and future tenses.. but you created more dimensions to it?? Einstein and Stephan hawkings would be proud of you…. sheeesh..

Crazy half: so you see, even we are standing on the same page, i belive what i said it right… (No drumroll still a manageable punchline)

Normal half: bravo, saved you skin, now SHUT up and walk away leaving her to linger in her guilty consciousness… Buhaaa haa haaa.. (my trademark evil laughter).

Crazy half: BUT.. i can understand why you feel so…. blah blah..

Normal half: OMG, you’ve gotta be kiddin me..

And this vicious cycle goes on and on till myself and the person talking to me gets confused on who was on which side of the argument or of course with the other person walking out leaving me arguing with myself. what i fail to understand is that I can very clearly hear my normal half telling me to SHUT UP but its like my mouth has a mind of its own (WOW that statement just looked dangerous ) its the same when i give a speech with the only difference being that i throw all my punch lines in, and then keep going again only to find that (yes you guessed it) i don’t have an end to the speech.

Now all this things made me really confused about what is wrong with me. I even doubted if i had DID (dissociative identity disorder), commonly known as multiple personality. But DID will not scream in you head!! so it was not that. I thought maybe it was due to the way i was brought up (blaming things as handling defect (or simply called “blaming the parents”) is the most simple and classy escapes ever) which caused this problem. Since the scream was inside me, they dint even have to know about it.. ‘Wink’..

But then, recently i came across an incident (which i might soon write about once i am over it) due to which i had to go see a doc (NOT a psycho one (NOT a type)). It was to check out a concussion. It is there he smelt something fishy (this usage particularly bothers me) with me and asked me to take a couple of evaluations. Once done, it seems i had a condition which all of a sudden, gave me a new dimension to look for answers. I had a severe case of ADHD or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (also known as ADD or attention deficit disorder). It is a neurological disorder with me and which is mostly genetic in nature (hey now rather than handling default, i could blame it on manufacturing defect which would void me of any responsibility of whatever i am). ADHD makes you talk compulsively and do things impulsively (hey that rhymed). that would explain my blabbering. Moreover, it would not allow me to give attention to things which i do not find interesting (that explain why i don’t remember names (YEAH dude, i am not interested in humans), and places). moreover it also makes my attention span hyper-short (which again explains why i used to have hundred things in front of me when ma karate master made me meditate!!!) Furthermore there were many other symptoms too which was listed and which i most definitely had.

So that explained a lot about what was happening to me and especially the WHY factor in it. But hey, further research showed, this four lettered acronym also gave me some serious advantages too. It confirmed the fact that i could hyper-focus on something which i found interesting for short time periods, I could learn with very fast and automatically provided it was something i found interesting (that explains the science and computers), I could look at any object or think about anything in many more and different way than most humans can, I can perceive and visualize the speed of time in my mind and most importantly It gives me a very high level of wisecrack humour (coz of the way i think). various other advantage and disadvantage were given too which are true too.

My whole life, i had felt and wanted to be different from other humans, but could never actually realize that i was different the whole time. I don’t see this ‘thing’ as a disorder, but i see it as a gift. A gift which makes me this nutcase, which makes me this funny guy, which makes me this idiot who believes he can do whatever he dreams about. who believes he is different from all the other PESKY HUMANS out there…

Though i may not be the only one with this disorder. statistically two out of ten people would have some symptom of ADHD which is pretty much a good number when you consider the mass but…

Awww shit.. i should have just stopped when i said the punch line before… The bloody ADDer in me!!! guess i will never learn..

Love
The ADDer -Ninja-

PS: will post more once ma memory returns….

A Dream realized…

well well well… i know its been a long time since i scribbled something… and as the name of the blog suggests, i was out realizing my dream… the dream which has given me more than enough memories to last a life time… as the name would suggest I am quite known for creating an unwanted sense of suspense ( purely according to me).. since I do not intend to do that here… I will come to the point.. well the dream was my company… started off with this dream while I was in ma second grade.. (I can sense the huh?? In you all)

well, it was when I saw terminator 2 way back in ’92 that I stumbled upon my destiny.. even though initially it was to BECOME a terminator, I soon realized the bodily integrative issues I would have to face.. so hence I modified my destiny to make a Terminator.. well technically speaking I was not so sure of making a terminator as I would be required to have the genetic sequence of Arnold Schwarzenegger (which I concluded he would not cooperate with), I decided to make a similar android. So started with my research. The first thing I realized about android is that they needed something called artificial intelligence. Now, I knew intelligence but what on earth was artificial intelligence. It was a really strange concept as never before had I encountered two words whose meanings I very well understood but didn’t understand when put together. Well as childish as it may sound I once again re-modified my destiny to accommodate this newly acquired work. This formed my dream of an company which would deal in Artificial Intelligence…

Time went by and unlike usual stories, I did note forget it and I did not improve… I was still that stupid, over analytic guy who was trying to figure out what is artificial intelligence. It was also destined that terminator be my favorite movie (well until independence day came around… and then SHREK and then…. Not relevant)… anyways I knew I had to learn about it.. finally the time for me to realize what this word was took me a long four years. It was when I was in my sixth class that I realized that it had to do with intelligent decisions made by artificial computer programs. So started my quest to learn about it.. On the way I came across LISP, prolog, California brain makers and the likes.. but it was never enough.. I had to move forward.. strangely enough there was something which was common for every link I took.. it ended with “its an emerging field and a lot more is still to be developed”… what if I was the one to do it?? Call it overconfidence or childishness… I had a uncanny reason to trust my instincts.

Fast forward some ten years.. the day of my engineering exams… in my mind was the single biggest milestone to achieve my dream.. A Ms in Artificial Intelligence (in fact there were some others too including marrying Amrita Rao, acquiring Microsoft and the likes) then it happened… an accident which destroyed my life… something which left me permanently disabled… I was immobilized…….. well.. ok. I am over reacting it… it was just a couple of stitches and well… errr.. yup that was it!!! Anyway it sure did take our my MS in AI !!!.. so it came for me to once again re-modify my destiny.. Trust me hadn’t my destiny been made with an EEPROM or a tellurium based silver alloy I would have been in serious jeopardy. It really made me create those subtle adjustments to finally suit the perfectionist in me.

There are somethings which I am really bad at (ya, I am serious, even though it took me a lot of guts to admit that). These includes electronics, finance, mathematics (only if contains those weird symbols that one only finds in the Windings font) and sales. So my experience had taught me that I was not capable of kicking off my dream alone. I needed support. I needed a team. So my quest begin. There were a few people I had heard about who were pretty much very renowned for their field of interests. I got around calling them. Even though it was then that I found that I had the quality to become a tele-marketer. Well anyway fast-forwarding more, I found out that everyone in this group had the same dream (even though it did not include the AI section… ). So we decided to meet…

On the 26th of January 2008, we met for the first time face to face. It was really amazing and irritating as well.. not coz of anything, each of us being hyper proficient in what we do could not get others to understand what we were saying. The topics moved between impossible jargons of marketing, electronics, operations sales, AI and at times quantum physics and astrophysics (thanks to me!!!!). well the whole point being, we were extremely comfortable around each other.. There was a lot of chemistry (I have no idea why I am using this word as its is grammatical mistake since chemistry is defined as the study of chemical reaction and properties, and I am pretty sure that we did not discuss any chemicals). The amount of knowledge pouring out was immense. I knew what I had stumbled upon. I had just opened Pandora’s box (well except for that instead of evil, there was pure knowledge and passion.) everything I had lacked was falling was returning.. the pieces I missed to complete the puzzle was there in front of me. Electronics, marketing, operations it was all there.. (I know there was no finance but we didn’t know that it was a huge part…) Then it was time for the verdict… I am pretty sure that most of you would have guessed it.. its obvious that the answer was a “let’s do it”… had it been not I wouldn’t be probably scribbling about it!! On the 1st of February we took the office…

A journey had started.. We knew sacrifice, criticisms, temptations, egos, frustrations, probabilities, setbacks were all going to be a part of the package we had selected… but then again we knew well enough that to be persistent in it would lead us somewhere… on our way the team’s strength just grew and along with it grew the team’s spirit to glow brighter.. the final piece of the puzzle in the form of finance came up… the timing was impeccable.. I had found it.. in my team lay my dream.. And today I am tasting the sweetness which is awaiting us.. For all the hard work and sacrifices, everyone had done for us… we had and have done the unthinkable, conquered the impossible… we set records, we registered patents, we moved with blinding pace, each recognition overshadowed the ones before.

As I sit writing this, the images come flashing to my mind of the idiotic dream i had, the stupid challenge I took up, the work I did, the chance that I lost, the concept that was there, the small office we took… now I sit on a desk in my office, at the Prestigious Technopark a mere 16 years from a child’s dream, planning for a massive inauguration and product launch. A child’s dream has been realized…

I made my last modification to my destiny… I modified one word in it… “It’s no longer MY destiny… it’s OUR destiny!!!”

For Artin Dynamics and all the people who made it possible…. The world is waiting… lets go!!!

Note: This was originally written on October 28^th 2008…. thought of putting it here…

 

-Ninja-

Twin Paradox…

a couple of days earlier i was in bangalore where i met my twin brother and also got to spend a couple of days with him.. hey when i say twin brother the question to be asked is not is he your real twin brother… it must be why is he not your real twin brother..(for the which the possible answer would lie in the chapter ‘life process 2′ in 9th grade biology text books).. but that is irrelevant.. the reason why we are called twins is due to the un-coincidental behavioural and physical similarity we share among ourselves.. meeting him that day triggered a lot of memory from my past.. especially some which are too good to be true.. and ya as usual in my case.. DUMB..

we were in our UKG.. we were so notorious among everyone.. teachers, parents, students.. but we were not that interested into gals.. well at least i was not.. i was more interested into opening toys, TVs, Radios etc etc… and as it would suggest Avin too.. same… but he had some other plans too…

so it was one fine afternoon… the sky was blue (refraction of light due to atmosphere).. the trees green (with brownish bark of course).. everything was going on perfectly.. the teacher was teaching something in the class.. i had no idea at all.. i was studying the various sounds coming from my stomach after that hug lunch i had.. avin was there doing another research (unfortunately we do not share our researches with each other)…

all off a sudden a gal bursts into the class.. utterly over exited about something.. from her facial expressions and body language i was sure that a UFO had landed in the school ground and an alien had communicated with her.. (man.. this is the day i had been waiting for.. finally i can go to my home planet..) she ran to the teacher and whispered something into her ears. she looked kinda shocked too.. (that confirmed my theory).. she told us to stay in the class and went out with her.. (hmmm free time.. i started preparing myself for the encounter with the third kind…. ) but.. a few minutes into my preparations… instead of aliens i saw my principal running to behind my teacher.. (i didn’t know that my principal was an alien)… but son there was commotion all over.. my seniors, teachers etc etc were rushing around.. so the curiosity in a child’s mind conquered all of us.. we too followed them all.. but frankly i was not interested.. after all i had to prepare my self before i meet with the ETs…

a couple of minutes later one of my teachers came to the class (where the only multi cellular living organism was me) and glared at me… (sheesh.. cant i be alone for at least a second???).. i got up to follow her. but she bellowed out “Don’t you dare.. sit down there…”.. ( huh?? and i thought sitting here was the issue..) soon she was joined by other teachers. and then by students… and they were all glaring at me.. (oh my god did i loose my cover.. did the landing of the craft blow my cover??).. at least i knew what a animal inside a cage in a zoo would feel like.. all the looks were of disbelief and … angry?? then there was a sound of someone crying… (analysing the frequency, pitch and pattern of the cry.. i understood that it was from a 3rd grade boy… now why would he be crying??) pushing through the barrier of humans my class mate Ivy came in to the class… she was crying.. the moment she saw me she ran over an pushed and started crying even louder… (hey hey hey.. what is going on here).. next the principal came over and lifted me up (hmmm.. she must have confused me with a rabbit coz she was holding only my ears).. and took me to behind the UKG building.. and told me to read something which was scrawled there.. i adjusted my specs and moved forward to read it…

written on the wall using bright orange crayons were..

“I LOVE IVY..”
    nelvin..

ok… so i can read.. (wait a second.. that was my name in that… and i love ivy?? do i?? hmmm.. she was kinda cute though… but.. hmmm… what am i thinking.. i did not write that… maybe those pesky aliens did it..).. i turned to face the huge crowd behind me.. well at least i saw some giggling happening there.. whew that was a relief.. i managed a smile.. my best smile (i was a firm believer that if ever you get into trouble.., cuteness counts…) but somehow things were not going in my way.. i was once again hauled up to the principals office.. and soon there were calls being routed all over to my parents and stuff… (frankly i was fascinated at the speed with which she was using the 3 phones on her desk… cool..)

parents came… teachers came.. (at that moment i cam to realise a fact that its when parents are called for something bad that the teachers converge to complaint… till then all they said was “he’s so sweet (i don’t know how they say that without tasting me..).. he’s cute etc etc”…) and i was asked to say sorry to her and her parents… i did.. after all its just a word like any other, its us who made a meaning for it.. and to top the charts i was give 3 days suspension… (thus becoming eligible for the youngest human to get suspension for a sexual-harassment case… if only had i applied..).. so i went home to another round of caning from dad.. ( i figured out that the thickness of the cane is inversely proportional to the pain inflicted provided the relative velocity and location of the strike remains constant.. note to self : when asked to fetch a cane go for the thickest one).. i knew it was useless to plead.. so i just took the hits.. after all pain was just a feeling.. soon it was over…

4 days later…

i went to the class and went down to sit at my place amidst stares and glares… next to my only true friend and buddy (coz he did not stare or pass comments..).. as the class started.. i confided to him that i did not do that… he most understandingly told me he knew that and he believed me… (that was so sweet… but being analytical in life has some advantages..).. you knew it?? how?? coz i was the person who wrote it!!!!!

What??? i could not believe it… this was not happening.. the next thing i remember is a wrestling match in which i was putting a dead lock on him.. and the teachers carrying 2 entangled bodies to the principals office… well.. the result.. (note to self: ask parents to shift home closer to school to save travel expenses).. thankfully we escaped with caning.. and me being a good guy (or probably coz i wanted him all to myself) i did not utter a word to the teachers.. so i forgave him…

but once analytic, always like that.. so i asked him why he did it.. his answer was something which i will never forget all my life… ” i wanted to know how the reaction will be when we write I LOVE YOU (frankly he had no idea what that meant.. ) to a girl.. and also the reaction of the surrounding humans also.. since i wanted a physical representation of it i had to write names there.. so i chose ivy’s name coz that was the shortest name to spell.. and as for the other name its not right to put my name as i won’t be an observer then.. so other than mine the only name i know to spell is yours… that’s y!!!….but hey my research worked na?…”

no wonder we never discuss our research.. frankly we don’t need to…

in short we complete each other as friends and brothers!!!!

 

-Ninja-