2 days over… i held myself.. trying to avoid everyone at school… home was where peace was (including pieces of food)…
upon returning home that day i found my mom at the dining table.. and some how i figured out that she was smiling from her eyes but was holding it from reaching her lips…(hey its a fact.. coz the perception of smiling in the eyes can be solely attributable to a configurational effect projecting from the mouth region.. its easy to figure that out)… she looked ‘sad’… she offered me my fav food.. (errr… frankly everything is my favourite.. so that was just a figure of speech)… and …..
MOM: come dear, sit down….. have something to eat…
ME: ( obeying it like a non-AI based robot obeying hard coded instruction)… yes… ‘mommy’… (time to over clock my brain activity… juice it up a bit. two options.. ADVICE or COMPLAINT… probability of advice is more by 27% )
MOM: there is something important i want to tell you…. (looking down…) about your future…
BEEEP BEEEP BEEEPP… ALARM ALARM… this is bad bad bad… what did i do… time to do some search.. scan memory bank for keywords ‘failure’, ‘trouble’, ‘fights’ and of course use similarly matched words to supplement the search… why did i procrastinate the memory indexing/ creating of meta data!!! now how am i going to complete searching if i have been into trouble…. hmmmm no time to search in the last 3 years period… welll lets see.. last week.. (i did not do anything wrong other than bang one of my friend with a wooden chair for drinking beer!!! but that was negotiated for na???)
oh wait a second… future??? i am 17 years old!!! future would mean +1 year (statistically Indian parents mean approx 1-2 years forward in time when they refer to term future)… GOD!!!!! no no no… please not what i think… i just hope she is not gonna give me a parent to son sex-education!!! that’s the last thing!!! by heavens i am a damn researcher (by mind)!!! she should know that i might have already done some research on it (heh heh heh)!!!! sheeesh… ejection seat?? no way… option 2.. don’t look at her… and of course talk your way out of it..
ME: (stuffing mouth full of whatever that was offered to me).. Mom… ish ttat (chomp chomp chew) beally rekuaired?? (gulp chomp..)
MOM: why can’t a mom advice a son about something he should do in the future???
ME: (gooooood god!!! its true.. primary estimate is true….. I’m so gonna be red all over!!!) Mommy.. (more fud in mouth).. I know what to do in my… err… ‘future’..
MOM: oh… so have you decided on what you will do in the future??
ME: (decided??? what the…?? why would anyone decide?? its pre-coded into any animals DNA!!! and we would be pertaining to our perfectly normal animal (note to self again: HUMANS ARE ANIMALS) behaviour)… what is there to decide in this… I’ll.. ahem ahem… take it as it comes…
MOM: huh??? what are you talking about??? (genuine confusion registered on her face)
ME: errr.. my .. future?!!!! (looking up at her for the first time).
MOM: so have you made any change in plans??? so far??
change in plans?? aha. she is not talking about that…. yahooooooooooooooooo…… I’m saved… thank you. thank you… (make note about which all churches deserve the candles.. even though me not a church go-er still not a non believer)… heh heh heh.. its just that stupid career oriented talk… heh heh heh… what the heck.. who cares.. (reduce overclock… system returning to normal…. disable the flashing Reds… )
ME: oh.. that future.. ( 1000 MW smile on my face).. that’s OK.. I’ve got it all figured.. don’t worry about that mommy… ( showing the triple-double-eyebrow raise routine)
MOM: any recent changes in it???
ME: naaaaa…. its set for the past 9 years… solid stuff.. as uncorrupted as titanium or space grade composite aluminium.
MOM: oh… but…. then can i suggest a small change in it??
ME: change?? (time to open the my national express highway connecting my two ears).. sure…go on..
MOM: How about becoming a priest??? In a church??
ME: uh huh!!! (express high way is working smoothly…What was she saying??)
MOM: or…… more precisely.. ahem.. a ‘MALE NUN’….
BEEEEEEEEPPP BEEEEEEEEPPP BEEEEEEPPPP…unauthorized entry detected… HALT… oh no… pile up in the national highway… CRITICAL DAMAGE!!!! no way.. she DID NOT just say that.. it was a coincidence.. ( i know the chance of saying that is 1/18000 * 1/18000.. conditional probability with number of available words in English language.. its 3.24 x 10 to the power negative 8.. how on earth did she come up with this coincidence!!!)
ME: (shivering… sweating… ).. w.. wh.. whaa.. whaaat????
MOM: ( bursting into the biggest laughter I’ve ever seen!!!)… Male NUN..
there.. there.. she said it again… that would increase the chances to 1.04976 x 10 to power negative 17.. no way… she knew it… but she looked so happy laughing.. and enjoying it… awwww…. so sweet.. soo.. ( WHAT THE HECK AM I THINKING… she is… torturing me… killing me…. time to take drastic actions)..
ME: WHO TOLD YOU??? WHO WHO WHO WHO???
MOM: HAAAAAAAA.. HA HA HA HA… HEEE HEEE HEEEEE..
execute emergency exit plan…
1)stop eating (but i couldn’t finish)
2)run up stairs (up up and away…)
3)get inside room…
4) bang door shut with all my power.. (no.. sound is not enough.. try again by altering the position of the window pane to achieve acoustical resonance)
5) SULK…
6) control hunger during dinner… (toughest part)
7) don’t talk to mom for 3 days, 14 hours, 33 min, 12 seconds and 54 micro seconds. (set timer in watch)
8) watch Chinese torture films to get inspiration to plot revenge on the traitor who did this to me!!!
ADVICE HUH?? WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THIS??? frankly i would have liked the other talk more!!! and the candles?? ya right!!! me and church!!!
life sucks!!! big time…. but hey.. who’s complaining!!!!
-Ninja-
