Chennai was Hot, it was strange and it was lonely. It took me sometime to realize that all the beautiful locations, people and things which was shown in Tamil movies did not belong to Chennai. Thankfully for me the relocation had given me a temporary shelter, a well furnished house in the centre of the city. Unfortunately that was the only thing i could be thankful for. The only other relief was hearing her voice eight times that day.
The next day, even before i left my house to join the office, i prayed for a miracle, in which maybe, just maybe a new girl would come and sweep me off. The miracle being not meeting her but her being single. But, i ended up in a class with just one girl. I am guessing that single statement would imply what happened to my miracle. Since i could not understand one word of the local language Tamil, there was just one friend for me. A guy from the neighbouring state of Andhra Pradesh, who could speak Hindi. The whole day, in class would be me writing enormously long e-mails to her and in the evening, making up reasons to call her just to hear her voice. One day i kind of crossed the limit, when i asked her, if i can get her a sim card, so that she could call me anytime she wants. I had no other intention but to save some money off the frequent calls i was giving her. But that scenario quickly turned around with Him calling me up and letting me know sympathetically that it would be hard for him to accommodate. It was then that the whole realization of why i had come here hit me, I came here to forget her, to run away from her. The days after that were spent by me in the exact same way, with me writing long letters to her and making up reasons to call her… But there was one small modification to it… The long mails which i used to type, I sent it to myself… The reasons i made to call her, was spoken to the Bay of Bengal. The only regret i had was that i couldn’t record her voice.
Day joined together to become weeks, but the frustration never left me. I was overcome by guilt, a guilt i felt for punishing myself in this alien world. Everything has a threshold, One day the pain became too unbearable, that i decided to runaway the second time. This time to somewhere, i wanted to go where the road took me. Thanks to the National Highway authority of India, all roads lead to a Metro city, I reached Bangalore, the city where love is made or drained in minutes. I hoped to find my destiny here. Torn jeans, a sleeveless Hood shirt with an Harley Davidson Logo and a heavily modified bike that was myself in Bangalore. Fortune struck when i met with an old friend of mine, who referred me for an interview at bigtime MNC. Went for that, got through and then it was time for me to go back. I left Bangalore with a torn jeans, a sleeveless hood shirt with an Harley Davidson logo, a heavily modified bike and a tattoo for memory which said “Ninja”. That was the only thing which changed for me.
The new ‘job’ gave me that extra nudge which was required to bid farewell to Chennai. I went back to my hometown. Nothing had changed there, “was I gone too long??” i kept asking myself. Despite my best effort to stop myself, I found myself at the doorstep of the Call centre, the very same spot when i had bid farewell to her. I couldn’t stop the tug which i was feeling deep in my chest, but i knew i had to see her. I went inside and met with the HR there and asked for her. He looked surprised but then he told me that she had left the job, sometime after i got transferred to Chennai. I knew the answer, “i was gone too long…”. With strong mixed feeling, came back home to get back to my life.
The next couple of months were lost in the starting of my company, and i overloaded myself with work and tension and everything i could find around me. I tried to be everything in the company, Never wanting to sit alone or simply even for a minute. Things were moving along just fine, the only time i couldn’t engross myself away from her was in my dreams, but probably that was the only time i enjoyed. Everything was just fine, until it was time for my sister’s marriage. I was inviting my friends. I wanted to invite her, but i didn’t have her number and didn’t want to find that out. But when i invited him, he passed me her number and told me to call her too. So i did. Not only did i invite her but travelled all the way to go and invite her parents too, directly. I came to know she was in a company situated in an IT Park in another city. I was dragged right back into the frying pan.
She couldn’t make to the wedding, but her parents did come. I tried to keep the phone calls and messages to a minimum. It was during this time, that my company got the news about an incubation facility in the same IT park. I never understood the way god plans. I was selected to scout the park for details. Since the date kind of coincided with a Reunion in my school which again happened to be in the same city. The day before that, i couldn’t resist calling her and asking her if she could meet me the next day and if possible coming with me to my school for the reunion. I knew the latter was a long shot. It did not come as a surprise when she agreed. So the next day, i waited at the bus-stop on my bike. I frankly planned to go to the school in an auto with her, as she would never get on the bike with me. But what happened next was obvious, she came and got on the bike, no questions asked whatsoever. When she rested her hands on my shoulder, i knew that it would be the worst average speed of my life. I drove like i was carrying the fate of the world on my bike. The day proceeded by atleast six of my teachers asking me if they could expect a happy news from me. I sincerely wished i could give them that, most of the teacher did get a wind of that too. After the program, i took her to the city, to my favourite dress shop and told her I wanted to but a dress for my friend who is a girl. She helped me select one. I gifted the dress to her along with a belated birthday wish, which was just a cover-up to see her flash that sweet, surprised twinkling smile. The one thing which i was even ready to die for.
God, in some way or the other had enjoyed that show and was interested in increasing the bet. So he got us, more importantly me, into the incubation, and i ended up right next to her. This obviously brought us closer and closer. This being a much gradual process than before, was something i failed to recognize. But one day, after office i caught up with her. She looked sad, disturbed would be the right way to put it. I asked her to get in the car and took her out for a dinner. Started at the usual segment of tell me what happened. The usual drama consisting of “its Ok”, “there’s Nothing”, “i’m Fine” ensued. But then she started talking. The topic was both shocking and a revelation for me. I listened with fascination and awe about how she and he were having problems. She described in detail on how his parents were opposed to this relationship and how he was unwilling to compromise on his parents for her. The story went on and on and on. I do not know what happened but all of a sudden, i realized that i no longer wanted to be him. I stopped hearing what she was telling, i stopped feeling the people moving around me, I realized, once again, how madly i was in love with her. Yet i do not know what possessed me, but i told her everything would be ok and that she should keep up her faith in him. We left the hotel, and i dropped her back, no words were exchanged. That night, try as i might i still felt she was not supposed to be mine.
This incident opened the flood doors to the clogged up tensions and problems she was facing. All of a sudden, i had become her second mind, her second conscious. I came to know of the troubles faced by her family, by her at her office and of course by him. The pinnacle of all this being a combination of her work issues and him. Her boss was absolutely cruel to her and made her work over Fourteen hours a day. So every office day would end at close to midnight with a absolutely exhausted, tired and depressed her trying to catch the last cab to her hostel. I offered to drop her one day, she agreed. I offered the next day too, she agreed but that day instead of going to the hostel, she asked me if i could take her on a short drive. I agreed, and the driven ended with a midnight dinner, and me dropping her to her hostel with her being more happy than she has ever been after her office. This small drive soon became a regular event. I couldn’t end my day without giving her this short drive and she couldn’t end hers without getting the same. It transitioned from an event to a tradition. This couple of hours started to be the time i used to live for. These trips started extending to short day-time trips during weekends but never alone. All was well except for the fact that, she started lying to him. According to his knowledge, she never used to meet me at all…
Soon her birthday was nearing. She had told me on one drive that her birthday was never more than a group of her friends around her and a cake cutting. I wanted to do something for her, i wanted to give her a birthday which she would never forget. I planned for it, since i needed some help and support for the same, a select few from my friend circle was granted access to this secret for the first time. With their support i started planning. I booked the whole restaurant of the largest hotel in the city, requested them for a live back and a exclusive party. I even invited all the hotel staff personally for the program. I arranged for a huge bouquet of flowers at her office desk, i brought her a mobile phone searching high and low to get one which was her favourite colour. I gifted her the mobile a week or so before her birthday when i dropped her to her home. That day, once i left her home, she opened the pack and saw the phone. It seems, she was planning to buy the same phone, of the same colour herself on her birthday. That did make me happy, but not as much as when she texted me “I don’t know what to say to you. I love you so much”. Even though it didn’t mean anything by word, i had to stop my car and get out of it and swallow mouthfuls of fresh air just to recompose myself. I ever so wanted to reply back stating how much i loved her, I replied “Thanks” and threw in a wink!!! Driving the rest of the way did not even register in my conscious mind, i just knew that i got home, dreamy and hazy.
The day before her birthday in 2009, she called me and in between the usual chatter, she told me of a desire to go to church the next day, she also passed on the information that it was just a a wish and no church had a mass in the morning. I was casual about the call, till the moment she hung up, i still have no idea, how many calls i made and people i visited but i managed to convince a priest to offer a mass for her the next day at a church nearby, a mass just for her. I called her and told her to get ready in the morning the next day as i would be coming to pick her up. She had no clue what was happening.
With everything set and planned, i closed my eyes to drift into what was supposed to be the best day ever in my life.
(To be continued)
-Ninja-
