Her birthday, 2009:
The day started with me picking her up and going to the church. I knew that though it was her birthday, it was me who was going to get the best gift, i would get to see her special smile, the one which always gives me the rush within. The first one came, when she got to the church and was greeted by the priest, and when she knew the mass was for her. For the first time in 6 years, i too attended the mass, though i spent most of my time gazing at her than the holy cross. I realized then that, had the church replaced the holy cross with her photo, i would have lived in a church. The morning section ended with a small feast from the priest, a couple of flowers being gifted to her by the young priests. Next stop was a small but personal breakfast amongst us. Once she reached her office she immediately saw the bouquet which had a note which said “You know who this is from, call me when you see it !!!”. she called me… I knew there was a gift for me which unfortunately i could not see. But soon i got my next gift when i gave her office team a birthday treat, on her behalf. In the evening, we along with some close friends decided to go for a ‘dinner’. We headed out to the restaurant. When i entered the restaurant, i got what could be said as the biggest disappointment of my life. The restaurant was not booked, there was no band, no decoration and hell not even a reserved seat for us. Not wanting to show my anger, we took up a seat. For me that was the worst dinner ever, and no matter what i did, time was stubborn, it just didn’t want to move. I grew grumpier and restless with each passing minute. Once the dinner was done, we cut a cake and started back, but not before me venting my whole rage on the F&B manager there. I vowed never to return as he just destroyed the best day of my life.
Everyone as well as she had noticed my mood by then. On the way back, we dropped everyone, and finally it was just me, her and my secret-knowing friend in the car. She was keeping on pestering me on what had happened, i kept mum. Finally just before my friend was getting out, she blurted out about the plan i had made and how it had been shattered. Nothing was spoken on the way back to her hostel. Upon reaching, she got out, walked up to the driver side window, and asked me why i was so sad. I just replied that i had been planning this day for weeks altogether and just wanted it to be perfect for her. But i had failed, both for her and for me… Or so i thought… On some kind of an impulse herself, she grabbed my had, held it towards her chest and said “Hey, this was the best day in my whole life, just to know about what you did and what you tried to do, This was my best birthday ever..”… then the unthinkable happened. She took my hand and kissed it, turned around and walked away.
I am still unsure how much time i sat, locked in the seat, before i realized that i was alone in front of a ladies hostel at nearly ten in the night. I kept looking at my hand half expecting her kiss to leave a permanent mark on my hand. I wouldn’t have even cared if it had burned a hole in my hand, atleast it would stay forever. I had to tell my friend what happened. I took out my phone, and hastily typed in “she just kissed my hand… I love her so much.” And sent it… Moments later, i got the delivery message.. it read message delivered to her rather than my friend. In my dazed state, i had sent the message to her. I knew there was no way i could explain it to her, i just murmured what i can only term as a dying prayer asking god not to take it all away from me. Once again he heeded to my prayer. She took it as a forward, or so i believed. We just didn’t talk about it. I knew that, if not for her, that day turned out to be the best day ever.
I was to leave for Bangalore on official visit the next day and had to return to my hometown that day. I realized that dreaming and driving was actually possible for me. For the whole of the next day, i took pain not to wash the hand she kissed, with a half crazed logic of water washing the essence of the kiss away. Madly in love would have been a definite understatement at this stage. She too was somehow, overwhelmed by that day’s happening, the frequency and the desperation in the calls increased multi-fold, though we both were inclined not to discuss the ‘embarrassing’ incident. So desperately was she missing me, that couple of days later, she called me and cried since she was feeling alone and lonely, for which the only explanation would be myself not being there near her. Once again less than five minutes was all i took to get her to smile.
Once my work in Bangalore was complete, i had to travel to Chennai for a couple of days before returning back. While in Chennai, i received a mail, in which i had a conference in Bangalore the next weekend. That night while talking to her, i mentioned the same to her, all of a sudden her tone changed to the tone she has when she thinks aloud. She ‘thought’ how lucky i was that i get to travel and see so many places. I had no idea why but i suggested that she could come with me for the day. We would have a one day trip to Bangalore and she could see the place. I expected either a scolding or a laugh from her, but to my shock she asked if i was serious. I had no option but to say yes. She agreed. So it was planned, that she would come with me to Bangalore for the day. Later that day, as we were talking about something, she mentioned that she has never got on a plane before. Again impulsively i asked her if i could include the Sunday also on the trip so that we could go from Bangalore to Hyderabad and then take a flight back, the logic being longer time inside a flight. Once again she agreed. That night, all i could think about was how i could squeeze out the maximum amount of smile from her.. i was growing greedy. So early the next morning, i again called her and asked her if i could include Monday too in the trip. Once again she said Yes and asked me what is the plan. Intended as fun, i told her its a surprise and that i will not tell it to her, and mockingly asked her if she would accompany me in such a situation. Her reply though it meant nothing for her meant the world to me, she said “I would not even go in such a situation with my father, but I trust you more than myself so with you I will come anywhere…”. I actually had to hang up the phone, in order to prevent her from hearing me choke up.
Once i reached back, i picked her up from near her home, to come to our work city, it was a slow drive, with her blabbering and me being obviously lost in her charms, and not listening to a single word she was telling. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, to the tune of a romantic Hindi song from Yuvraj, our hands touched… any other day it would have been pulled back immediately, but today it lingered… both of us were waiting for the other to move their hand away but it just did not move. As always, humour is the best medicine against awkwardness, so caught hold of my hand and started tapping it on the armrest to the beat of the song. Slowly the song faded in the end, the tapping too faded but our hands remained together, we were just holding our hands. I was immediately transported to the call centre days, but somehow i was not feeling disturbed. So engrossed were we in this that, we missed our route to the hostel and even after reaching the hostel, it was hard to let go.
The next few days were spent on the so called trip preparation, which mainly consisted of shopping and me trying hard to build up the hype. I brought around eleven dresses for her, including some sleeveless ones, which she said she would be comfortable wearing only in front of me. We brought all kinds of stuff from skirts to top, jeans, shorts, cosmetics and everything we could get our hands on. I too did my version of shopping; I brought something for her, something really serious. Soon the day arrived, it was a Friday. We were supposed to leave to Bangalore on a Volvo Bus in the evening, the trip being an overnight one. After what could only be called a really stealthy and covert operation, we manage to board the bus without anyone else noticing, thanks to the supporting role of another friend. Once seated, we setup our proxy systems to ensure that the trip would be untraceable, i silently thanked god for making me a techie. She had told her friends that she was visiting her relative in Bangalore, to him and to her parents it was a company outing to a remote forest area near Bangalore.
Once again, the journey was something i could never forget. We watched the film for a while but then she told me she was tired and wanted to sleep. I covered her with the provided blanket and tucked her in, soon she was trying to get into a comfortable position. Finally she found the position she was most comfortable in, hugging my hands and resting her head on my shoulders. The film, was no longer of any importance to be, i was watching her: tracing the soft delicate curves of her face, a small yet hypnotic smile on her lips… no words could describe it. I couldn’t resist, slowly i placed a gentle kiss, on her forehead. As if acknowledging it, she snuggled closer, purring in her sleep. Later into the night, she woke up to see me awake, she was cold… I offered her my blanket, wrapped her around with it and held her close, I was hugging her. I wished time would freeze and remain so for eternity. We reached Bangalore in the morning, and met up with couple of my friends who came to pick us up. I had already cancelled my appointment and had made serious plans. Once at their house, when she went for a bath, I showed them the thing i brought for her… Their jaws literally fell, i had to tell them the secret too. I took her on the bike to the famous water theme park Wonder La. Had a blast of a time there with the squiggling and giggling and playing/ messing around with each other. While returning, while on the bike, she hugged me tightly. Once back at my friend’s house, we packed for the second leg of our journey.
Even while waiting for the bus, she had no idea where we were heading to. Soon, the bus arrived, It was only once the bus started moving did she realize that we were heading towards GOA. The surprise got her so powerfully that, i was rewarded with a sweet peck to the cheek. The trip was similarly placed as before except for the fact that she was now hugging me back. I knew that it was going to be my second day without sleep. We reached Goa by noon, once we got out of the bus; we got into a cab and headed to the destination… The second largest beachside resort in Goa. The mere sight of the resort, widened her eyes. She immediately turned and asked me what we are doing here to which i smiled and said “this, is where we stay”. Though i had reserved the resort, i had placed a request of an option to select the room upon arrival. Once inside, i told her i could ask for single rooms to which she said “I trust you and I don’t have a problem being in the same room as you”, and jokingly added “but do you trust me???”. I smiled and asked the receptionist to give us the deluxe suite.
Once freshened up and after an elaborate photography session, we hired the same car we took to the resort and took off to explore Goa. Once we covered some basic tourism spots of south Goa, we went on to have an amazing dinner at a floating hotel on Mandovi River. To sum up the evening we had one of the best cruises ever on a boat filled with music and dance. She wore a dark green T-Shirt and a denim skirt; i just couldn’t take my eyes off her. So engrossed was me that i don’t remember anything in or around the river and the boat. At around ten we started back to the resort. On the way she was sleepy and wanted to sleep, on my lap. I stroked her head, brushing her hair away from her face till we reached the resort. Once back to the room, I told her to change to my favourite dress of the lot and told her to come to the balcony.
The suite, overlooked the resort’s private beach, lined with palm and coconut trees, the golden sands glistened in the full moon, the smoothness of which was punctuated with small dark rocks. The waves danced to an unknown rhythm of nature’s orchestra like a bed of precious jewels. It seemed god was setting stage for a grand play. I told her to close her eyes and give me her hand. I took out what i had brought for her.. I placed in her hand, the diamond pendant … A small heart embedded with three diamonds beaded to a slender gold thread. She opened her eyes and gazed at it, her expressions altered between shock, awe and surprise. She just uttered one word, “Why?”. “For coming with me…”, that’s all i could say. We stood motionless for an unknown time period, after which she asked me to tie it around her neck for her. Once she turned to face me I actually felt as if her beauty had been augmented by the diamonds. I was so dazzled by it that i told her, i had to sleep. She walked to the bed, still dazed, picked up her phone and called up my Bangalore friend and told him what happened. She kept asking on why i had given her that, to which finally he told her what my feeling was for her. The moment she heard that, she hung up the call, came and sat down on the bead near me. Stroking my hair she told me what he had said, and asked me to tell her the truth.
I broke down, tears welled in my eyes, I knew that the good times were too good to last, She was not destined to be mine. With a dry throat and in a choking voice, never even looking at her, I told her the whole story of how I loved her, and how I ran away to avoid hurting her. I told her everything. I untold all the lie I had told to her to hide the fact that I was madly in love with her. Then I told her, that i am ready to run away again if whatever that happened would trouble her. Without a word, she got up, came around the bed, lied down next to me, pulled me close to her chest and told me “I Love you too“. She was crying too, but she kept repeating the same over and over again… In the embrace, with her words as a lullaby, i could feel my mind leaving my body,, my whole mind was numbed and blank… I drifted off into a infinite black hole, the only thing i could feel was her soft voice whispering “I Love you”, and my head resting against her chest rocking along with her rhythmic breath..
I knew that when i wake up, my life would be different… How? That troubled me…
(to be Continued)
-Ninja-
